Any time something makes me sad or mad I always end up thinking of cutting or punching something to where t end up bleeding... and I always get angry easily and when I wanna flip out and scream and shout I can't because I'm confused of either doing it or,.. staying quiet ... I normally just stay quiet... It's hard and... i just wanna give up and Yolo this crap and at times feel like dying because it's too much. I always hide all this in, then like a month later I have a break down.. I haven't cut myself if 2 years and I ended up doing it 2 days ago because I felt like my heart was breaking all over again.. but it wasn't deep. I don't consider it cutting, more like carving. I just have so many emotions and... idk what to do..
Hi Cynthia, I just want to say that you are very strong for being able to resist cutting yourself for 2 years! Even though you cut youself recently, that was a long time to try and stop yourself from hurting youself.
Now, I don't know exactly what is bothering you, but I do know that whatever it might be, you tend to hold your emotions in, and then it builds up to a point where you can't hold it in any longer. When something makes you sad or mad, it is a good idea to deal with it at that moment, because it will only get worse if you try ignoring it. The problem won't go away if you try to forget about it.
You said that when something makes you sad or mad you think about cutting yourself. People cut for many different reasons. Maybe it's a way of feeling physical pain so you don't feel the emotional pain. Or maybe it relieves stress and tension. Some people cut to feel like they can control their life or they simply want to feel numb.
It is important for you to know that cutting yourself is very dangerous and can leave scars and infections in your body. It can also always remind you of the tough times you are having and you might feel guilty or ashamed later in life.
If you cut yourself when you feel angry, try taking your anger out in different ways such as yelling in a pillow, or even hitting a pilow. You might find that playing sports will also keep you from cutting. It is a positive alternative to cutting and it also relieves stress. If you cut when you are sad, try writing your feelings down on paper or listen to songs you enjoy so you won't be sad anymore. Either way, don't ignore your problems and harm yourself. Try your best to deal with them at that moment and talk to trusting friends or adults so they can help you too.
Try going on the sites www.safe-alternatives.com and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm to learn more about additional things you can do when you feel like cutting yourself. If you ever need anyone to talk to, call us at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR and a Trevor lifeline counselor will be happy to talk to you! Just remember that you are not alone!