I'm not sure what to do. I'm really confused about if I like girls or guys. I like guys but I also might like girls. Every time I see a guy, I can't look at him but every time I see a girl, I can't stop staring and I feel like a guy watching a girl. So I'm not sure anymore and sometimes I feel like I want to kill myself for feeling this way, so what do I do?
You're a very smart girl knowing when to ask for help like you did in writing to Dear Trevor. You're clearly having a really hard time dealing with the feelings you've been having for girls, what these feelings mean and your confusion about your sexual orientation.
We at The Trevor Project care about you and want you to be safe. It's very concerning that your feelings for girls are making you feel like you want to kill yourself. It's very important that you immediately tell someone you trust such as parent, relative, teacher, or school counselor about your thoughts of killing yourself in order to keep you safe and get you the help you need. If you don't feel comfortable talking about your feelings for girls, that doesn't need to be a part of the discussion. If there's no one you feel comfortable talking with, please immediately call the Trevor Helpline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor. Our counselors are here for you 24 hours, 7 days a week. You can talk with them about everything you're feeling including your thoughts of killing yourself as well as your feelings for girls. They want to do whatever is needed to keep you safe. Sometimes, people think about killing themselves when they're feeling very depressed, feel hopeless that things will get better and helpless to make things better. By talking with a therapist/counselor you can hopefully discover things that you may not be aware of to help you to feel better.
Trying to figure out your sexuality can be exciting but also confusing, scary and even uncomfortable. What can make this harder to figure out is if you've heard negative things about being bisexual, gay or lesbian. This may be the case with you since you said that your feelings for girls are making you feel like you want to kill yourself. Some people have negative feelings about bisexual, gay and lesbian people because of lack of information or misinformation. PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is an organization made up mostly of parents that works to support LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning) people, their families and others and helps family members and friends become more understanding and supportive of their loved ones’ sexual orientation. On their website at www.pflag.org click on “get support” where you’ll find a section called “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People” which may help you to better understand and feel more comfortable with your sexuality. Many people of all ages question their sexual orientation so you are definitely not alone with what you're going through. It's something that can take time to understand so try not to feel rushed. Remember that sexual orientation involves not just physical attraction but also emotional and romantic feelings for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the opposite gender (straight) and people of the same gender (lesbian and gay). Some people who are bisexual, have equal feelings for girls and guys, some have stronger feelings for girls while others have stronger feelings for guys. In trying to figure this out, it can help to think about who you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with, guys, girls or both. On www.outproud.org you’ll find an online brochure entitled “Be Yourself: Questions and Answers for Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Youth” which takes you through many of the questions you might be having as you try to understand your sexuality. On www.bisexual.org you'll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then "Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG" you can find even more information that may help. You might also visit www.binetusa.org to learn more about bisexuality. Remember to give yourself time to go through different feelings and experiences with different people. You'll know with time. What's most important is that you feel comfortable with you.
It can often be helpful to talk about these questions with a trusted friend, relative, teacher or a counselor at school with whom you feel comfortable. It can also help to talk with bisexual and lesbian teens such as at a school Gay-Straight Alliance, a local LGBT youth social or support group, or by calling the GLBT National Youth Talkline at 1-800-246-7743. Another online resource that may be of help is Youth Resource www.youthresource.com where you can read stories from other young women about their experiences as well as find LGBT groups in your area. You can also visit www.trevorspace.org, an online social networking community for LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning) young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies.
If there is no one you feel safe talking with, or if you’d like more support and further information about figuring out your sexuality, please call the Trevor helpline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386). Our experienced and sensitive counselors are available 24 hours, 7 days a week. . They take many calls from young people who are trying to understand their sexual orientation sexual orientation and understand that sometimes it’s really hard to know what to do. Please remember that you don’t have to go through all of this by yourself and that we are always here for you at The Trevor Project.