I would like to know how to get over a guy that I have had a crush on for four years and is still going. This guy is straight and really hates me, won't talk to me or anything. I can't have another relationship because I think of him all the time.
Signed,
Danny, 18, Shady Point OK
Dear Danny,

You’ve clearly been dealing with this crush for a long time and it sounds like it’s causing you a lot of pain and really affecting your life. It's great that you are reaching out to Dear Trevor for help and support. That shows a lot of courage on your part.

I'm sorry that the guy you have a crush on won't talk to you and hates you. That must be really painful, especially considering you haven't been able to get him off your mind. He must have made quite an impression on you if the crush is still going, and it's obvious that you like him a lot. A lot of people have been in the same position as you, and whether gay, straight, or bisexual, it never feels good when a person you have romantic feelings for doesn't feel the same way about you.

Sometimes people are able to recover from feeling heartbroken quickly, while others find it takes more time. Since this guy is straight, hates you and won't talk with you, there is little chance that he will reciprocate your feelings, which it sounds like you've realized since you're trying to figure out how to move on. Unfortunately, there is no simple way to get over someone. One thing that might help is to think about everything about this guy, not JUST the things you like about him. Sometimes when a person has a crush, they hold onto a fantasy of who they want the person to be and only see the good things about the person. In trying to move forward, it would be important to look at the negative things about him too including the way he treats you. Though you said that you can't have another relationship because you think of him all the time, it might help to put yourself in a place where there are people who are really available for a relationship such as by attending social or support groups at a local LGBT community center. On The Trevor Project home page, click on "suicide resources" (there are many types of resources), then click on "local resources" then click on Oklahoma where you'll find LGBT resources in your area.
Since this guy is weighing pretty heavily on your mind, it might be helpful to talk with someone you trust such as a friend, parent, relative or counselor/therapist in order to sort through your thoughts and feelings. It can also help to talk with other gay young people who have experienced similar situations. You might call the GLBT National Youth Talkline at1-800-246-7743. The Trevor Project has a great new website called TrevorSpace (http://www.trevorspace.org/). It's a social networking site similar to MySpace, but specifically for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) youth ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. There are lots of cool people on there, and you might meet a few who are experiencing situations similar to yours.

If you want to talk more about this or would like help brainstorming about ways to move forward from this crush, you are welcome to call the Trevor Helpline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386). Our counselors are here for you 24 hours, 7 days a week. They understand how hard it is to get over someone that you have feelings for. Please know that you don't have to go through this alone and that we are always here for you.