****HELP!**** I have an issue. I can’t tell if this guy in my class is gay. He acts gay and throws hints and clues at me, but it’s so confusing. My heart literally does flips for him and I don’t know what to do. The other day in class, he was giving me answers and the teacher said one was wrong, and he turned around, looked me in the eyes, and whispered it’s ok and smiled. That day was amazing!(: I know he knows I’m bisexual because the girl I’m crushing on, told him and he made a promise to her to never tell anyone. He is my best friend. I want to tell him, but I don't want to mess things up. What do I do?
You're dealing with two important issues, namely trying to determine if your best friend is gay as well as trying to decide whether or not to talk with him about your feelings for him. As you're experiencing, having feelings for another person can be very exciting, making your do heart flips. With the guy you have feelings for being your best friend and someone who's very important to you, it's understandable that you'd be nervous about discussing these things with him because of your concern of messing up your friendship. I'm really glad that you wrote to Dear Trevor for help with your questions.
In trying to figure out what to do, remember that you always have choices. Since he's your best friend, you might ask to talk with him in private and start by telling him that you are aware that your girl friend has already told him about your orientation and ask him about his feelings about you being bisexual. His reaction may help to guide you with your next step. As far as whether or not he’s gay, it can be confusing because you can’t always tell who is gay by their behavior. There is no one way that a male who’s gay or straight acts or behaves. Your friend may be straight, gay, bisexual or even questioning, meaning he's not sure and is trying to figure this out for himself. The only way to know for certain is to ask him and by talking about your sexuality, it may help your friend to open up about his thoughts about his sexual orientation. In terms of your feelings for him, you could choose to tell him about your feelings which may change your friendship but maybe not. Remember that even if he is gay or bisexual, it doesn't necessarily mean that he'll have the same feelings for you that you have for him. If you do decide to tell him how you feel and he doesn't return your feelings, if you're comfortable, you can continue as best friends or if you felt you needed, you could take some time away from each other.
In trying to figure out what to do, it can be helpful to talk with someone that you trust such as a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor. It might also help to talk to other LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning) young people who may have similar questions and concerns. If your school has a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) you might attend some meetings. You can call the GLBT National Youth Talkline at 1-800-246-7743 for peer to peer support. You could also join Trevorspace at www.trevorspace.org the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24, their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others all over the country some of whom may be experiencing a similar situation as you.
If you’d like to talk more about your questions and concerns, you can always call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR. Our understanding crisis workers are here for you 24 hours, 7 days a week. Please know that you don’t have to go through this alone and that we are always here for you at The Trevor Project.