My best friend's mother referred me to your website and I was very curious to see what your project is all about. I recently came out to my parents, and it broke their hearts. I want to change who I am so badly for them, but feel that that isn't the right thing to do—I know I could never really change who I am. My parents took the news...horribly...they're bombarding me with Bible scriptures and priests. While my religious beliefs have not changed, I have found a comfortable place with both my spirituality and my sexual orientation. My parents will have none of it though and I don't know what to do. I know it's not their fault. We're from the South and this is foreign and evil to them. Please help…
While it is natural and understandable to want to please our parents when it is within our power and does not take away from who we are, every person’s most basic allegiance is to be true to him/herself. You expressed insight into recognizing the importance of being true to who you are. You also show some understanding of how unhealthy it would be to try and change to please your parents—not to mention that it’s really not possible! In addition, you demonstrate a sense of balance in finding a comfortable place with your gay identity and religious beliefs, even in the face of the homophobic teachings present in many religions. It is unfortunate that your parents have not yet been able to arrive at the same place.
Despite the intensity of your parent's religious beliefs, it might be helpful to refer them to PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, www.pflag.org), an organization mostly of parents that provides support and education for families with LGBT members. Speaking with other parents may help them be more supportive and understanding of you and your sexual orientation.
In addition, it's important for you to access the support that you need. Would you be able to speak further about this issue with you best friend, your best friend's mother or a counselor at your school? If this is not possible, please call The Trevor Helpline at 866.4.U.TREVOR (86.488.7386), where you will be able to speak with someone who understands the difficulties that you are facing.