I'm very glad that you had the courage to write to The Trevor Project, and I truly commend you for having the strength to reach out for help. It must be awful to have lost your parents at such a young age, and I can't imagine how it must've felt when your cousin died. It's understandable that you feel alone and depressed. I completely understand how much it must've hurt to lose your little girl, and I know that it's painful not having your boyfriend's support at such a difficult time. You are not crazy, and you are not alone. You are dealing with a lot of difficult issues, and it's concerning that these issues have caused you to try and commit suicide three times. I want to encourage you to reach out to someone you trust about these feelings, or to call us at 1-866-488-7386 at any time (the line is open 24/7). If you ever feel like you're going to act on these feelings again, please call 911 immediately. Your safety is the most important thing of all!
Depression is a powerful feeling that can make you isolate yourself from your friends and family, cause you to be tired all the time and take away your motivation to do things, make you not enjoy the things you usually like to do, make you sleep and eat much less or much more than usual, and make you see everything in your life in a negative way or make you think of ending your life. On www.us.reachout.com you'll find facts about depression by clicking on ‘struggles with feelings.’
Please know that there is treatment for depression and suicide including medication and/or therapy. It can help to talk with a mental health professional, such as a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist about what you’re feeling and going through in order to get the correct treatment to help you to feel better and to help you see choices and options you may not be aware that you have. On www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm you can learn more about depression and its treatment. On http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/ you can search for mental health services in your area.
Eu'Gami, I want you to understand that your boyfriend's behavior is not acceptable. Please know that no one EVER has the right to hit you, and that no matter what he says it's not your fault you're being treated this way. It's understandable that you love him, but your security and well-being is important. You deserve to be safe and cared for. If you ever feel unsafe, I want to encourage you to immediately turn to a trusted friend, relative, or neighbor, or to call 911. I would also recommend talking to someone you trust about what you're experiencing, like a school counselor, teacher, or doctor. In addition, to protect yourself, try not to be alone with him. If you need to get away from your boyfriend, there is a shelter in your area called Wesley Shelter, Inc. which you can reach at 291-2314 or 237-6111. You can also try Restoration Center of Love at 206-4940.
I want you to know that you're not alone. We are here for you always, and if you ever feel like you may act on your feelings, or even if you just need to talk, you can call us 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. We can also help you find additional services in your area on this hotline. You are a strong and beautiful person, and you deserve to be happy. Please take care of yourself.
The Trevor Project