I need help. I can't keep going on like I am. The pain is becoming too much. People are starting to question me and lying is no longer an option.
So I guess my question is: What can I do to make it better? How do I make the pain go away?
While it is very common for lesbian/gay/bi/trans (LGBT) people at your age to feel isolated and alone, in reality your life is just beginning—“forever” is a long way off!
But I understand how you can feel like you will always be alone because it’s impossible to feel good about yourself when you feel like you have to lie to others about who you are. And it can be very hard to be open about yourself in a society in which so many people are ignorant and prejudiced against LGBT people. It may be especially difficult as a teenager to find others like yourself—who can understand you, won’t judge you and who you don’t have to lie to. In answer to your question, finding people who will understand and accept you for who you are is the best way to “make the pain go away.”
So, “Forever,” have you been lying about yourself because you haven’t been ready to accept yourself or because there is really no one around who you think will understand? Is there someone you might risk confiding in? If not, could you speak to a parent or teacher about meeting with a counselor? You don’t need to tell them the specific problem if you aren’t ready to do so. But if you are in as much pain as you say you are, I hope they will be able to see you need some help.
And, of course, in the meantime please don’t hesitate to call our helpline to talk to a caring counselor, as well as to obtain possible LGBT-friendly resources in your area. 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386)