so I'm not exactly open about my orientation with anyone. Everyone thinks I'm straight. Not the case here, I'm Bisexual. I come from a town called Garden City Ks. right between the north and the south parts of the united states. I say this because kansas borders on their thoughts of LGBTQ people. Where I'm from everyone knows me as this happy go lucky kinda guy. I'm a lifeguard, I have a lot of friends, and I'm about to graduate highschool! My problem is, I'm so sick of living this complete lie, but I'm tied into where I am. My friends HATE gay people, they make so many "fagget" jokes it's not even funny! All i can do is sit there and listen, if I try and stand up for them they'll start questioning me, and my highschool has more than 2000 people in it, so rumors will start to spread. I have been really down about this the last year or so, and in that time I've taken up smoking, and drinking Vodka on a regular basis. I feel like my life is slowly slipping away from me. I want my suffering to end, and sometimes I think about possibly taking my own life. I keep this part of my life Completely hidden from my family. My sisters a huge homophobe, my mom really wants grandkids, and though he thought it was a joke at the time, my dad told me if i ever turned out to be gay, I would not be his son anymore. He would somehow emancipate himself from me. It's so tough!!! I would probably loose most if not all of my friends if i ever came out. What should I do? Stay in the closet? It's just getting so unbearable! :( I really need help!
Signed,
Gary, 16, Garden city KS
Hey Gary, Many LGBTQIA youth share in the dilemma. How do you be yourself in such an intolerant envrionment. Many LGBTQIA youth experience the same feelings of deprssion and thoughts of suicide because of the intolerance from family, friends and school mates. As you stated, speaking out can result in bullying. No one needs that. WHile you are working your way through these issues, you could benefit from supportive communities, people that understand and embrace LGBT people. Turning to unhealthy habits to deal with the stress is very common. But, drinking and smoking can lead to serious haelth problems in your future. Do you really want to develop poor health habits to deal with the stress? There are other options. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then "Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG" you can find information that may help. PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) “Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation. Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one's sexual orientation/gender identity. On their website at www.pflag.org click on "Get Support" then click on "For Family & Friends" where you'll find the pamphlets "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People" and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members/friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one's sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they're having with people in their life. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your family members/friends won't attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you. Your safety and comfort are the most important considerations. In trying to figure out whether or not to come out, it can help to ask yourself some questions including: What does it feel like keeping this part of your life a secret? Does it cause you a lot of stress worrying about them finding out? Are you worried that if you told your family or your friends, you'd be unsafe physically or emotionally? If you told your parents, are you concerned that they might kick you out of the house? If you decided to tell them and they did kick you out, it would be important to have a safety plan, meaning a safe place where you could live and continue to go to school and a way to support yourself financially. Some people decide to wait until they are living away from home and are financially independent before telling members of their family about their sexual orientation/gender identity. If you feel now is the right time, that’s absolutely fine. What is most important is that you are comfortable and safe. Some people are fine just saying their sexuality while others find it better to ease into the discussion by first talking about a LGBT actor or character in a movie, book or television show and see how the people in their life react. You might find it helpful to write out and rehearse things you might say. You might find the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf helpful. In addition, on http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions you'll find an article called "Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About" which may be of help to you. If there's no one you feel comfortable talking to, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week. WE care about you and your well bing. WE are here to help. Do not hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.