I dont even know where to start. I'm desperate. My life sucks. I'm gay and im so insecure. I pretend that i dont care what other people think or say about me but it literally destroys me. I'm always trying to get people to like me, but how can i do that if i dont even like myself. Ive tried religion to run away from my sexuality which it was a bad idea, having all this people telling me that i was wrong and that what i was feeling was gonna condemn me to hell. It confused me even more, now i dont only think about what people think about me but also about what god thinks about me. I am so insecure about myself, i hate every single part of me. My body full of scars, a life full of nothing, no achievements, no goals, no nothing. When it comds to love, well it wasnt for me. I've never had a couple, never been kissed, never done anything with anyone. Im already 22 and havent had those experiences. I just doesnt feel good. I dont have a single gay friend which i can go to if i need to talk, i have friends but i dont really go out with them because either no money and/or no car. Im mostly imprisioned in my own room. I want to have friends that will have my back no matter what cause i will have theirs no matter what. I dont have a ral relationship with my family or friends or people. Whats wrong with me ? Do i even have a place in here ? Shouldnt i know by now who am i ? Im 22 and still confused with so much hate towards myself. I feel like im in a dead end right now. I feel tired, exhausted, not knowing what to do with my life anymore. I had goals and i thought i overcome this depression whenever i stopped cutting myself but idk just looking at couples makes me want one but i will never will. I need company which i dont have. Im just by myself being my worst enemy. Im so confused, i dont know what to do. Im depressed, alone, insecure gay, i have every defect in the world, i just want to be done with my misery. Dear Trevor, Please help me !!!
Signed,
Gio, 22, Arlington TX

Hey Gio,

 

Thank you for the letter. Reaching out for assistance can be difficult. It takes a lot of courage to realize you need help and reach out for that help. Everyone wants to be loved, to receive respect, to be accepted, and to belong. These are very human traits. You are not alone in those desires.

Gio, you are wise to look at the thoughts which are holding you in your current state. Somewhere along the line, you got the idea that you were not good enough, that something is wrong with you. Looking at this thought pattern will help you discover what has occurred to make you adopt this inaccurate evaluation. Gio, you are emerging into adulthood. Being insecure and having questions about your life purpose is normal at any age.

 

Depression may be behind low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts. Some indications of depression may include lack of energy, chronic fatigue, isolation from your friends and family, diminished interest in usually pleasurable activities, changes in eating and sleeping habits, and a general sense of helplessness.

 

On www.us.reachout.com you'll find facts about depression by clicking on “struggles with feelings.” Please know that there is treatment for depression and suicidal thoughts. Consulting with a mental health professional, such as a social worker, psychologist, therapist or psychiatrist provides the best course of action to evaluate depression.

 

Speaking with a mental health professional may help you in understanding your thoughts and feelings and in finding a suitable course of treatment. On www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm you can learn more about depression and its treatment. On http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/ you can search for mental health services in your area. You could also contact the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists by calling 215-222-2800 or by visiting their website at www.aglp.org for help in finding someone in your area for you to talk and work with.

 

Please know you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week. If you feel you may act on suicidal thoughts, call 911 or get to the nearest hospital emergency room. In those dark moments, your immediate safety is crucial. Finding supportive communities is important. TrevorSpace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality, making friends and changing your current circumstances.