Dear Trevor,

 

I am unsure if this is the place to ask but I have no where else to turn. I Like men, but Gay (man/man, woman/woman) realtionships turn me on more than straight (man/women) realtionships do, it turns me on more than I myself can comprehend. I don't like seeing straight couple and stuff at my school or anywhere on that hand. It realy scares me. I have looked at girls and I know somethings there but I can't admit it. I kissed my best friend because I said I just wanted to know what it was like to kiss a girl but i sort of liked it :/ To read like m/m romances turns me on so much that my friends just think I have a fondness of gay people. Men turn me on more than women (Only straight women though) but im just unsure if theres a ghost of chance that it may be not just boys that turn me on. Again is this the place to turn to?
Signed,
Hannah, 14, Longview WA

Dear Hannah,

 

This is absolutely the right place to turn to! Questions of this nature are very common, not just in people your age but all types of people. Sexuality is, in some, a very fluid thing. The world tends to present an idea that even if you are not straight, you must clearly be gay or bisexual. But in practice it may not that be easy.

 

And that is perfectly normal and okay. You are young and have only just begun to explore what you are attracted to. There is no rule that you can't be attracted to a homosexual relationship more than a straight one, and there is no rule that if you like girls at all you have to like them at least as much as men, and there is certainly no rule that you have to know exactly what you like and how much before you even have really begun to try it!

 

I think the best advice I can give you is to do what you are already doing: bravely asking yourself questions about what you feel, and testing the boundaries of it. You said that you can't admit to liking girls, but it sounds like you have already admitted something like that to me just now! It's fine if that like is only a little bit, or if it's kind of uncertain. It's fine if you try it out and decide that it isn't for you after all. There really are no rules, no boxes you need to fit into, and no labels you need to apply to yourself if you don't want.

 

You sound very smart and self aware to me. I think you are already on the right track. Just try not to worry if you are questioning in the right way, or if your feelings are 'real' enough. Everything you feel, in whatever proportions and whatever direction, is absolutely real.

 

Best,

Trevor