I came out to my mom, and now she hates me because of it. She says that she feels like she lost a son. The rest of my family are homophobes and I know they will hate me when I come out. What do I do?
I’d imagine that you are in a lot of pain about your mom’s reaction. If it is any consolation, you should know that it takes a lot of guts to come out at 14; you’re a brave young man. It is unfortunate that your mother’s initial reaction was a negative one and also unfortunate that her reaction is a common one. The real irony here is that rather than having “lost” a son, she’s gained a son who wants to be honest with her about who he is!
I purposely referred to your mother’s “initial reaction,” since it may, in fact, be just that: the first, gut-level reaction she has before she has a chance to really figure out what this all means to her. I’m guessing she doesn’t really “hate” you; she probably hates the fact that she doesn’t know you as well as she thought. You might just need to give her awhile to come around. In the meantime, try not to get into it with her. What do you think about the possibility of reassuring her that you are the same person you always were, and that coming out to her was actually an indication of your desire to be closer to her?
You might also ask her to get in touch with Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG, www.pflag.org), a national organization with many local chapters (at least five in your state, Connecticut) that provides support and education to families going through situations like yours. As for the rest of your family, if possible, you might want to put off telling them until you get past this initial difficult period with your mom. Hang in there my friend!