Hey I have been questioning my sexuality for a few years now, lately I have experienced being with a girl, but I don't want to accept the fact that I might be into girls. I have never been with a guy sexually, but I do talk to guys and I love being in the presence of one. But I've noticed that girls know how to treat me better than any guy I've ever dated and I feel more comfortable with a girl. It just feels right. And I just don't know what to do. 
Signed,
Hayley, 16, Redford MI

 

Questioning your sexuality can be a confusing thing to be going through and it takes a lot of courage to explore these feelings.  Experiences that you have had recently do not mean that you are one sexual orientation or another.  It is great, though, that you are exploring these feelings and it can be a very exciting time while also being scary and confusing.

 

It seems like you are finding a lot of positive aspects of both your experiences, sexually and non-sexually, with guys and girls while also feeling conflicted at the same time which is very natural and normal.  It may help to think about some of the reasons that you don’t want to be with girls.  Have you been hearing negative things about being with girls from people that are close to you?  There are a lot of people in the world, including us here at The Trevor Project, who believe that you don’t need to only like guys, or girls.  There are a lot of various aspects to sexual orientation including romantic feelings, physical attraction as well as an emotional connection with a person regardless of whether they are a different gender or the same.  One important aspect to a relationship is feeling comfortable with the other person, which you mention you feel with a girl.  You deserve to be treated the way that you want to be treated whether that is by a girl or a boy.  What is it about a girl that you think causes them to treat you better than any boy that you dated?  A lot of people like both and it is most important to find someone who treats you right and makes you feel comfortable.

 

You mentioned that you just don’t know what to do.  The most important thing to know is that you don’t have to make any decisions about this and what you are feeling right now.  An amazing online resource that can provide some great information regarding questioning any aspect of sexuality is: http://advocatesforyouth.org/.  There is a great online community, similar to MySpace or Facebook, called TrevorSpace (http://www.trevorspace.org/) that you may be interested in looking at.  It is an online community that has a lot of young people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or questioning and many who are experiencing a lot of questions around sexuality.  Remember, if you would ever like to speak with anyone about any of these feelings that you are having you can call and talk to someone at The Trevor Project 24/7 at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR.   

 

Trevor