From the time I was 12 until just a year ago, I had been in a relationship with a girl that I really loved, and until last month we continued to have sex. We had our ups and our downs, but we thought we could get through everything as long as we were together. Pretty stupid, right? She told me she loved me and I believed she did...for a while. I had been pretty naive in the beginning, not knowing anything about sexuality. Eventually I realized that I was a lesbian and have been happy and proud of the fact. My girlfriend, however, came to the realization that she was transgender and broke up with me soon after. I was crushed, but had realized that my feelings weren't as strong as they used to be for her. Being with her was so familiar though, and suddenly I was lost without her there.
For the past year, looking for someone else has been hard and every time I have found someone, I just haven’t felt anything for them. Then I met a guy in the play I'm working on, and the more I get to know him, the more I love hanging out with him. Strangely enough for me, I am attracted to him; I'm not attracted to ANY other guys, only girls. Am I just convincing myself that I like him because I miss my ex? I don't know why I have an attraction to only one member of the opposite sex (a boy), but all members of the same (girls). I'm so confused. Please help.
If sexual orientation was a simple, easily-understood aspect of human nature, organizations like The Trevor Project would not need to exist! For better or worse, sexual orientation—the sexual, emotional and romantic attraction we feel to other people—can be a very complex and very confusing aspect of our personality, one which doesn’t always express itself in a logical fashion. It can be especially confusing for someone like yourself, who has had to work to accept herself as a lesbian and then finds herself attracted to a guy!
But, guess what: there are LOTS of women like you, who identify as lesbians but suddenly find they have fallen for a particular man. Identifying as a lesbian doesn’t mean you are “forbidden” to ever have feelings of attraction for men. If you really like this guy and he likes you, there is nothing wrong with your pursuing that relationship, if you decide it is right for you emotionally. If you do decide to pursue this relationship, however, and your male friend is not already aware of your previous relationship history, it is probably a good idea for you to share this with him so there are no surprises down the road.
Heather, remember that you don’t need to justify yourself or defend your choice of romantic partner to anybody. The best you can do is to be true to what your heart tells you is right for you—even if that means falling for the occasional guy!