My story begins long before now. I am gay and I was raised by an ultra-conservative religious family. My parents taught me that homosexuality is sinful and unnatural. I attended church services and a Christian school for most of my early life until I demanded that I be allowed to attend a public school. This was a very difficult decision because I had to leave everything I knew behind including my religion and all my friends.

When I arrived in public school I had a geometry class with an old childhood friend of mine whom I had known years ago. As children I could remember him kissing me and making romantic gestures but when I saw him as he was today I dismissed any thoughts of his being gay or even possibly bisexual. He was a muscular football player and he was even somewhat of a bully. A lot of girls liked him and he generally hung out with fellow jocks. He didn't seem at all like someone who could be gay...

Eventually we became friends again and as we grew closer we came out to one another and over time began to feel feelings for each other. Today, one and half years since we re-met, we are in a serious relationship, a relationship known to all our friends and everyone at school. His family knows as well. They are very open-minded on the subject and highly accepting of both of us.

My family on the other hand is not quite so open. While I have never actually come out to my parents or my siblings I now wonder if they are suspicious. They have reason to be. My boyfriend and I are always together; we are inseparable. But as time continues I begin to find difficulty in keeping up my two lives. The homophobic sentiment that is so abundant in my household is becoming far too difficult to bear. My parents have threatened to take away my car, to confiscate my college fund and to throw me out of the house on the mere suspicion that I might be gay. My mother, to whom I have insinuated that I am gay, makes me feel as though I am destroying her life and my family's life. Sometimes I feel as though I am going to faint from all the persecution and depression around me. My friends and boyfriend are supportive and have even offered me a place to live should my parents throw me out. They seem to think that my family hates me, but in spite of all their negative comments about gays and despite the fact their threats I believe they might still love me.

Sometimes I just want to die. I have thought logically about suicide before and it seems as though each time things start to get better a crisis befalls me. Please, please help me! Just listen to me and if you do listen then please reply! Speak to me at length and give me some advice...please.