Dear Trevor,

 

Firsly I want to congratulate you on all you have done. I don't usually think of myself as an emotional person, but after an hour of watching "It Gets Better" videos I've shed enough tears to fill a swimming pool.

 

I'm really confused about who I am. I know for certain that I like men and am also attracted to a lot of women.  I don't know what to do.  I've never been bullied or harrased, although when people ask "are you gay?" "bisexual?" I brush it off quickly and tune them out.  It seems people who come out bisexual are labelled "greedy" or "confused".  I always had this image of my wife, two children; and while I am fully supporting of gay parents, I'm really confused as to who I am.  I don't want to come out before I have a fuller understanding of who I am. 
Signed,
J, 16, Ireland DB

 

 Dear J,

 

Thanks so much for reaching out to us and for your generous words.  It's great to know that the It Gets Better Videos are reaching young people all around the world.  (Although we can’t take credit for such a grass roots movement!)  I hope that their message of hope for the future is one you'll take to heart.  It sounds like your struggle, however, is mostly an internal one, rather than one related to others potentially treating you badly or bullying you over your sexual orientation—however you may come to view it as time passes.  So good for you for being proactive to seek help dealing with you feelings.

 

First, know that there is absolutely no rush to come out or to understand your sexuality.  Everyone goes through this process in his own time.  So you're perfectly justified in taking the time to figure out your sexuality.  To be sure, human sexuality can be confusing for everyone—straight, gay or bi—because it involves such a complex intersection of romantic, sexual and emotional attraction. 

 

You may want to check out http://www.bisexual.org  for information and resources on what it means to like both guys and girls.  (Or would they be lads and lasses in Ireland?)  If you click on “resources”, then “bisexuality-general information”, then "Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG" you can find information that may help.  Or, if you like, you can check out 

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336, where you'll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Gay...Now What Do I Do?”

 

It's good to hear that you're open to a future family life that is not what you initially envisioned.  You may very well have a wife and kids some day; many young people who have same sex attractions or sexual experiences go on to lead heterosexual lives.  But if things do turn out differently and you're open to that possibility, right now you can focus more of your energy simply on trying to make sense of your sexuality.

 

I know you said you're not ready to come out, but what if you found someone you could talk to confidentially or anonymously?  For example, if there were a school counselor (who would be bound not to reveal what you told him or her).  Or maybe you'd like to chat with other young people online?  Check out our TrevorSpace social networking site at http://www.trevorspace.org, where you can set up a profile and connect with gay, bisexual and questioning youths. 

 

All the best,

 

Ask Trevor