Dear Trevor,

This is Jason and I have a question. This is a common question but I need your help. I’m out to my friends but not my family. If I told my mom she would freak. I had a plan to come out and live with my dad, but he died a week ago in a car crash. I really need to come out soon, but my new plan (waiting for the guy that’s worth telling my mom about) might take long. So do you have any ideas? Any easy ones?
Signed,
Jason, 16, Vancouver WA
Dear Jason,

How awful that you lost your dad so recently! I hope you are getting support from people who care about you about that loss.

Regarding your plan, personally, I’m not a big fan of the “I’ll-wait-until-I’m-in-love-to-tell-my-parents-I’m-gay” School of Coming Out. I guess I figure if you think that your mom will freak out with, “Hey, Mom, I’m gay,” it’s not likely that adding, “And I want you to meet my boyfriend,” will make it any easier on her!

And, no, Jason, there is no “easy” way to come out! J Without knowing your mom or what “freaking out” would be like for her, it’s hard to give advice. Generally speaking, I think it’s best to come out to people when you are alone with them, in a quiet, unhurried situation. I think a good approach to take can be that it is because you love them and want to be close to them that you want to tell them this important personal information about yourself. However, because of your dad’s recent death, Jason, you might want to give your mom some time to adjust to this new situation, before telling her about yourself.

We always encourage kids to check out the Parents, Family & Friends of Lesbians & Gays website (www.pflag.org) before talking to parents. They have lots of information and resources that can be helpful to parents who have just had a child come out to them.

Trevor