I'm afraid I'm falling for a female friend of mine. We pretty much have a platnoic relationship, but I really think she is awesome! I'm pretty much demiromantic and fall for girls the more I learn about them. The issue is, that I know she won't return my feelings. Also, I had a horrible crush on her friend last, last summer. She liked me, but her self esteem wasn't the best so it was very hard for us to really have any relationship besides friends. I don't know if I should give up on this crush or not. The other girl, M, is more confident and like I said, she is awesome. Should I even bother with this? I'm afraid that it would seem like I just hit on a lot of girls if my previous crush finds out and tells her. 
Signed,
Jess, 18, Chicago IL

Dear Jess,

 

Thank you so much for your note.  I know it can be scary to feel like you're falling for someone, especially if you think they might not feel the same way in return. It also isn't always easy to reach out for advice, so thank you for asking us. 

 

In your note, you make it sound certain that M won't return your feelings. If you are sure that's true, consider how opening up to her might affect your friendship. Is she the type of friend who would feel uncomfortable if you shared your feelings with her? Or do you think she would appreciate your honesty, causing you to grow closer as friends? Also consider how relieved or worried it would make you feel to tell her. If you would be too worried about M reacting badly or your former crush getting involved, or it wouldn't make you feel much better to tell her, then it might make sense not to pursue it. But if you would feel relieved by sharing this with M, think she would react well, and aren't too worried by the other factors, then it might make sense to open up. I hope that weighing and considering all these factors will make your decision more clear.

 

If, on the other hand, you think there's a chance that M will return your feelings, are there ways that you can learn more about her sexual orientation or who she is interested in through conversation and friendly questions? This might help you get more information about the situation before making your decision.

 

I wish you luck and all the best with this, Jess.  Remember that if you have any other questions or ever need someone to talk to, The Trevor Project is always here.

 

Best,

Trevor