Ok, so I came out this past year as gay at 15 years old, and while a bunch of people were really supportive, the biggest question I got was "How do you know?". Originally I just blew it off thinking "Straight people just don't understand". But I started thinking: I have never had a sexual experience with a guy, let alone been kissed, so do I really have a right to call myself gay? I really really do want to be with guys (like desperately), it's just I don't know any other gays, and the few that I suspect don't meet the standards I want in a boyfriend. I really do believe I am gay, but am I less gay because I haven't had any experiences with a guy?
Signed,
Joey, 15, Atlanta GA

Dear Joey,

 

Congratulations for affirming your sexual orientation. Since it is both natural and normal to question sexual orientation and/or gender identity, here are a few things that might help you to understand and determine what you want to call yourself and whatever you choose will be absolutely fine.

 

In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both.” Since you said you really really want to be with guys (like desperately), that may be a clue. “On
http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view &id=726&Itemid=336 you'll find the brochure "I Think I Might Be Gay...Now What Do I Do?"

 

We also encourage you to talk about your questions with someone you trust-friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor. TrevorSpace is available for support and can help with your questions - “TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.” And just remember if there's no one you feel comfortable talking with, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week or TrevorChat.  We are always here for you.

 

 

The Trevor Project