OK, I’m gay and came out to all of my friends. They took it well and are really happy to have a gay friend. The problem I have is that I so want to come out to my parents too, but when the right moment is there I just can’t do it. I’m afraid of coming out to them. I don’t know how they will take it. They might go to the extreme and prevent my guy friends from coming to the house or not let my boyfriend in. What can I do? How should I come out? Is right now the perfect time to come out?
Signed,
Jose, 16, Houston TX
It’s great that you were able to come out to your friends and receive such a positive response. For most of us coming out to parents can be a lot trickier. We may feel we have so much more to lose should they not take the news well.

Seems to me that since you haven’t been able to come out to them yet, the “right moment” probably hasn’t really happened for you! As we have often said, there is no one “right” way or time to come out. It is important to try and weigh the pros and cons of coming out at any particular time: what do you stand to gain and what do you realistically stand to lose? For example, would the ability to be open about who you are with your parents be worth it, even if it meant—at least for a time—that they wouldn’t allow your boyfriend to visit you?

Other things to consider: What’s the likelihood that they may already suspect? What’s the likelihood that they will eventually find out, now that all your friends know? Are there extended family members it might be safer to confide in first and get their feedback about coming out to your parents?

When you do decide the time is right, do your best to share this information in a calm, positive and considerate way. You can acknowledge that it might be hard for them to hear at first, but you’re doing it because it’s important to you for them to know who you really are. In many ways, Jose, coming out is really a gift we give to others.