Dear Trevor,
I have a FTM friend (more like ex-friend, now acquaintance) who I got into an argument with a while back because I was "copying" him by having similar interests. For a while now, I've been considering cross dressing. Just every once in a while. Now that I have my own income, I can start buying the clothes I want to wear to appear more "masculine." But I'm afraid my old friend will think I'm copying him again. I'm almost scared to cross dress just because I don't want him yelling at me again. I'm really not imitating him. Like I said, I've wanted to do this for a while. But I'm scared that's not what he'll believe. On top of that, one of my best friends took his side in the original argument and I'm afraid she'll think I'm copying him too. Advice?
Oh and just a couple more quick questions. If I do cross dress on occasions, would that make me gender queer? I still identify as female. And would I be right to consider myself a drag king? Or is that term specifically reserved for performers? Thanks in advance! :D
Signed,
Justice, 15,
Elk City OK
Dear Justice,
It’s great that you are comfortable enough with your sexuality to start cross dressing… and even better that you can afford it on your own! It's very exciting that you have wanted to do this for a long time and are now ready to begin!
It sounds like your friend has you misunderstood. It’s clear that you aren’t trying to “copy” him like he says; you just want to be yourself. Have you tried talking things out with him? He must realize that you two aren’t the only ones in the world who like to cross dress. There are thousands of people in the LGBTQ community that enjoy doing this- either for a drag show or just for a normal day. The two of you are part of that community and should have each other’s back whenever it’s needed.
Maybe you could try asking him for advice on how to cross dress? Express that you think he does it really well and would appreciate his help in making you the person that you want to be. He could see this as a compliment and perhaps take pride in being the one to mentor you into this new experience. Like you said, this is something you have wanted to do for a long time and he seems like he has a good amount of knowledge on the subject.
While it may be true that “gender queer” refers to people who cross dress and “drag king” is for those performing, one of the greatest things about our community is that you have the freedom to call yourself what you choose. Don’t feel like you have to label yourself, though. Just dress how you would like and be proud of who you are! J
Have you heard of Trevorspace.org yet? It’s a great social networking website where you can meet other people your age who are going through the same thing you are. You’ll be able to meet other gender queer/drag kings to help you along the way and give you advice on what it was like for them.
Let me know how it goes and good luck!
Signed,
The Trevor Project
