All LBGTQ and questioning folks struggle with “Whether/When/How to tell others” questions throughout their lives. They generally get much easier to figure out the older you get and the more practice you have with coming out to others. But early on, when you are just starting to come out, they can be a major source of anxiety and stress.

As we’ve said many times, there is no one way to come out and no one can tell another person what the best way might be for him or her. But you can ask yourself a number of questions to help you decide what might be best for you. Do you have any other friends who are out? If so, what has the response been to them from your other friends? What have your friends said about bisexuality in the past? Was it supportive or judgmental? Maybe you could bring up the subject in a general way to get a sense of how they feel about it first? Also, what supportive resources might there be for you if you do come out and they don’t respond well? Is there a possibility that they might use this information in a harmful way against you? If so, is there a counselor or Gay Straight Alliance in your school that you might turn to for support first? If not, how about calling our helpline to talk over these questions?

After asking yourself these kinds of questions, you might decide that now is not the right time to come out. When you ultimately do come out, you will come to realize that the people you want to keep as your friends are those that will not judge you for your sexual orientation and will accept you for who you are. Some may have difficulty initially, but if they really are your friends, they will eventually come around.

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