Honey, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. Starting college can be an extremely trying time for most people. It can be very hard to adjust to. When faced with people who are ignorant, cruel and unaccepting it makes it so much worse. It is not OK for your roommates to act the way they do and say bad things to you. I want you to know that you are not alone, and that it will get better with time.
I'm glad that your suicide failed, because you DESERVE to be here and you deserve to be happy! Being depressed is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something that you need to deal with and get help with. When you’re depressed, it can be very painful to feel and can make you isolate from your friends and family, cause you to be tired all the time and take away your motivation to do things, make you not enjoy the things you usually like to do, make you sleep and eat much less or much more than usual, and make you see everything in your life in a negative way. Sometimes the depression can get so bad it can make a person think of ending their life. Sometimes people think about ending their life when they're feeling very depressed, feel hopeless that things will get better and helpless to make things better in their life. On www.us.reachout.com you'll find facts about depression by clicking on “struggles with feelings.”
Please know that there is treatment for depression and suicide including medication and/or therapy. It can help to talk with a mental health professional, such as a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist about what you’re feeling and going through including your thoughts of wanting to die. On http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/ you can search for mental health services in your area. You could also contact the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists by calling 215-222-2800 or by visiting their website at www.aglp.org for help in finding someone in your area for you to talk and work with.
Ialso encourage you to find a way to get yourself out of the living situation you are in. It is unhealthy for you. If your school arranged your living, talk with them about your situation and get placed elsewhere. Otherwise, you can look for new roomates.I encourage you to immediately talk with a trusted adult (parent, relative, doctor, teacher or school counselor) about your thoughts of suicide. If there's no one you feel comfortable talking with, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week. And please, if you feel you're going to act on your thoughts of suicide, call 911 or get to the nearest hospital emergency room in order to be safe.
I also encourage you to visit Trevorspace at www.trevorspace.org, Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others. Perhaps you can meet others in your area that you can connect with.
Stay strong, Kat. I'll be thinking about you.