Hey Kendyle,

Thank you for the letter. Reaching out for help takes a great deal of courage. We are glad you could trust us with your situation. Kendyle, there is nothing "freaky" about you.

In high school "fitting in" and "being liked" are goals for many students. Often times, "being liked" becomes "being like" or conforming to what the "popular" people represent. Oftentimes, students will ridicule people that are perceived as different to fit in and be "cool". This practice does not honor the wonderful gifts of individuals.

Kendyle, there is nothing odd about your attractions for boys and girls. There is nothing wrongwith the way you express yourself through the clothes you wear.

When confronted with extreme levels of stress, many people engage in self-harming behaviors, including substance abuse, self-starvation, and cutting. For some, cutting relieves stress or tension. Some people find the physical pain of cutting distracts them from the emotional pain. Some people may be angry at someone in their lives. Cutting themselves provides a means of expressing that anger. Others feel cutting gives them a sense of control while experiencing overwhelming situations or emotions. Still others feel numb or "dead inside". Cutting helps them “feel alive”. While cutting may provide temporary relief, it can cause permanent scars, infections and serious, even life threatening medical problems. It can also cause one to feel shame, guilt, depressed and out of control.

If you feel like cutting, there are a number of ways to help yourself feel better without putting yourself at risk. Think about how you feel before and after you cut yourself. If cutting helps to release anger, you might try getting the anger out in another way; hitting a pillow, stomping around in heavy shoes, ripping up old newspaper, or flattening aluminum cans. If cutting helps you express sadness, think about healthy alternatives; listening to music, calling a friend, writing in a journal or drawing/painting. For some people, doing something physical like running outdoors or yoga can help relieve stress. If the cutting counteracts numbness, do something that creates a physical sensation; tapping your fingertips in circular motions upon your skull, putting your hand briefly in ice water, or stamping your feet on the ground.

There are websites available including www.safe-alternatives.com and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm that can help you learn about cutting and alternate coping mechanisms. Cutting can be a difficult habit to break. Telling a a trusted adult can provide you with support in seeking assistance. If you’re not comfortable talking with your parents, you could ask a school counselor for help finding a therapist or call 1-800-DON’T-CUT where you can be referred to a therapist in your area. When you have the urge to cut, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386) and talk with a Trevor lifeline counselor. They can also assist you in finding a therapist. Talking about the thoughts or feelings behind the impulse to cut may help to delay or to stop the urge to harm yourself.

Kendyle, you have done nothing wrong. There is no reason to punish yourself. You live in a small community. The halls of high school are such a small sliver of the world. There are communities of people that understand the full range of human sexuality. There are communities that value diversity. The challenge lies in finding these communities. Remember, you are not alone. Those understanding people are a mere phone call away. 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386)

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