On September 27 I finally got the courage to come out to may dad. I wrote him a small five page letter on comprehension notebook paper. In the letter it coverd things like how I still love God and that I'm still the same person, I never chose to be bi and that I'm not doing to for "attention or to be "cool" ... I gave it to him on the way to school right before getting dropped off, at school I was freaking out but my friends were very proud of me and said iwas very brave for doing so. The school day ended and I got home preparing for the worst but I got there and no one said anything about at at all!! When just a week prior my parents were saying that I was sinfull and that I was just like a saitinworshoper and took away my phone and so much more just for definding/believing in LGBT rights! I'm very confused on what to do now idk if my dad told the rest if my family about the letter! I came out once in 2010 and my parents sent me to exgay therapy and told me horror stories and basically through the bible right at me! Because of them I almost took my own life, but decided no to and go back in the closet. It took a lot for me to come out again after enduring a really painful summer two years prior and to have this ignored kinda bothers me idk if this is a good or bad thing? What should I do? My parents are just like the ones from the movie Prayers For Bobby. Exacly like them! I wanna call Trevor because there's a lot more going on but I'm never alone and my dad has FBI Spy wear on my iPhone and computers. What should I do?
Signed,
Kevin, 15, Pomona CA

Hello Kevin,

 

To begin, we honor your courage in coming out, not once, but twice. After coming out a few years ago, you experienced some negativity. Yet, you took additional action to be clear about your sexuality. It is difficult to say what your parents may be experiencing. Perhaps, the silence means they are processing the recent letter. Since you came out two years ago, this is not a new idea for them. Still, they may require some time to process and accept the truth.

 

Kevin, you are an extremely bright young man. As you mentioned, you do not have to choose between having a religious life and being bisexual. To learn about the Biblical scriptures that teach compassion and support for gay people, you might consider reading through the numerous guides on Soulforce’s “Resources” webpage at www.soulforce.org and also reading the PFLAG guide “Faith in our Families: Parents, Families and Friends Talk About Religion and Homosexuality” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/FaithinourFamilies.pdf..” If you'd like to read more about various opinions regarding faith and sexual orientation, there is also a great resource online called The Institute for Welcoming Resources at http://www.welcomingresources.org/. It is the most comprehensive and up to date website devoted to providing religious and faith based resources for the LGBTQ community. Perhaps this information will bring new perspective for your parents.

 

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one's sexual orientation/gender identity. On their website at www.pflag.org click on "Get Support" then click on "For Family & Friends" where you'll find the pamphlets "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People" and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members/friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one's sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they're having with people in their life. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your family members/friends won't attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you.

 

Even if your parents are not open to PFLAG, you could contact them to get some support for yourself. Do not hesitate to reach out for support. Coming out can be followed by a bumpy period. Remember, you are not alone. If you are concerned about calling the Trevor Project on your phone, could you borrow someone else's phone? The Trevorline operates 24 hours day, 7 days a week. You can call us anytime.

 

Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality and coming out.

 

Kevin, do you have a trusted adult, a teacher, a close relative, a school counselor, someone with whom you can confide? Someone who could serve as an ally?

 

Kevin, you have demonstrated incredible strength and bravery. You have endured "ex-gay" therapy. You have come out twice. You have stood firmly in your shoes. Even if your parents are not acknowledging your coing out, we do. Your friends do.

 

Perhaps, in time, your parents will realize those horror stories about LGBT people are just stories. Perhaps, through your bravery, they will come to understand that they still have an amazing, bright, courgeous young man for a son.