First I want to praise you for your courage in reaching out to us. Dealing with intense feelings alone can be tough and we are here to help.
It sounds like you have the right instincts in stopping yourself from cutting. People try to harm themselves or cut as a way of dealing with overwhelming emotions or stress. It sounds like you’ve been sad and sometimes don’t feel so great about yourself. All people feel sad or doubt themselves at some point in thier lives. It's a normal part of life and something you can learn to deal with in a healthy way. Cutting or scratching or any way you inflict pain on yourself may help you feel better in the short term, but can be dangerous and causes permanent damage to yourself. There are other things you can do to feel better without hurting yourself. When you feel sad do things that make you feel good. Maybe that means listening to your favorite song or calling a friend. Writing in a journal or doing something artistic can help. Even exercise in those sad moments can help you. The idea is to replace the behavior when you have the urge to cut. Try a few things when you feel sad and see what works. There are websites available that can help you learn about cutting and other things you can do when you have the urge to cut.
You also mentioned that you have had thoughts of suicide. When you are feeling sad it’s understandable that you might feel lonely. I would encourage you to talk to a trusted person in your life. You said don’t feel comfortable with your family, but is there a teacher or counselor you trust? You can also call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours, 7 days a week. They are there to talk to you about what you are dealing with in your life. You can also try http://us.reachout.com where you will find facts about depression/sadness by clicking on “struggles with feelings”.
I applaud you for asking for help in dealing with your feelings. You are taking the right steps to improve some of the things that are problems for you in your life. Remember to express yourself and seek help when you need it from people you trust. And we are always here at Trevor if you need to talk.
The Trevor Project