Hi Kimmy,

Sometimes, dating can be really tough. In high school, when people first start dating, there can be a lot of heartache. Everyone wants to be liked, to be loved. This is a very human trait. Sometimes, in the pursuit of that desire, one can lose perspective when someone ends a relationship. The rejection can be painful. Perhaps, thinking about the purpose of dating can provide some perspective. Dating provides the opportunity to get to know someone a little bit better, perhaps, often with a romantic tone. Dating provides a venue to see if this combination is a good fit.

Kimmy, you are just beginning to enter this realm of love and romance. Everyone makes mistakes and that's totally okay. Everybody develops crushes on people that do not share their romantic feelings. Think about all of the songs about crushes or failed love relationships. This is a very normal, human experience. When relationships end, it does not necessarily reflect on either of the individuals. But, it does communicate that this combination does not work. Sometimes it is about different personalities. Perhaps, these people would be better friends than lovers. There are many possibilities. Of course, it is easy to state this in an intellectual manner. But when romance is involved, our hearts do not always operate with the same reasoning.

Everyone at the Trevor Project cares about you and your well-being. You did not go into details about the issues in your home-life. But the urge to cut can indicate a high level of stress. When someone is confronted with extreme levels of stress, they may engage in self-harming behaviors that include substance abuse, self-starvation, and cutting. For some, cutting relieves stress or tension. Some people find the physical pain of cutting distracts them from the emotional pain. Some people may be angry at someone in their lives. Cutting themselves provides a means of expressing that anger. Others feel cutting gives them a sense of control while experiencing overwhelming situations or emotions. Still others feel numb or "dead inside". Cutting helps them “feel alive”. While cutting may provide temporary relief, it can cause permanent scars, infections and serious, even life threatening medical problems. It can also cause one to feel shame, guilt, depressed and out of control.

If you feel like cutting, there are a number of ways to help yourself feel better without putting yourself at risk. Think about how you feel before and after you cut yourself. If cutting helps to release anger, you might try getting the anger out in another way; hitting a pillow, stomping around in heavy shoes, ripping up old newspaper, or flattening aluminum cans. If cutting helps you express sadness, think about healthy alternatives; listening to music, calling a friend, writing in a journal or drawing/painting.

For some people, doing something physical like running outdoors or yoga can help relieve stress. If the cutting counteracts numbness, do something that creates a physical sensation; tapping your fingertips in circular motions upon your skull, putting your hand briefly in ice water, or stamping your feet on the ground). There are websites available including www.safe-alternatives.com and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm that can help you learn about cutting and alternate coping mechanisms. Cutting can be a difficult habit to break. Telling a trusted adult can provide you with support in seeking assistance. If you’re not comfortable talking with your parents, you could ask a school counselor for help finding a therapist or call 1-800-DON’T-CUT where you can be referred to a therapist in your area. When you have the urge to cut, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386) and talk with a Trevor lifeline counselor. They can also assist you in finding a therapist. Talking about the thoughts or feelings behind the impulse to cut may help to delay or stop the urge to harm you. We are just a phone call away. We are here when you need us.

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