I've always indentfied as straight. But never really thought more into. In like the 8th grade a lot of females were saying they're bi. half of them weren't legit. I didn't want to be like them in the way of saying I am when I'm not. I've had dreams(like it was sexually explcit) and feelings of what it'll be like to be with a girl. I kinda wanna "test drive" the whole expirence. I like people based on personality. If there was a girl like me, same personality, humour, sure I'm up for it whatever. I couldn't just see myself with a girl. Like in the real world. I'm attracted to males based on personality and are sexually attracted to them. It's rare to find a female with a good personality I can "chill" with. I'm attracted to personality rather than appearance, but couldn't see myself with a girl. Yea, there are some attractive females, but anybody can be attractive right? I don't even know, I don't like labels. I don't even know how to address these feelings. I had to tell someone, no one around me would understand, they'd probably shun me or something.
Signed,
Kristin, 14, Baton Rouge LA

Hi Kristin, 

 

It's awesome that you are so open to learning about and exploring different sexual orientations! Questioning sexual orientation can be pretty difficult, and it's great that you are thinking critically about your thoughts and emotions. And, you're right, who needs labels!

 

You are already such off to such a great start, liking people based on personality is a perfect way to be! It's definitely important to remember that all sexual orientations are totally normal, and you are the only person who can truly have a say in how you choose to identify.

 

Some people choose to identify as "gay," "lesbian," or "straight" because they are comfortable saying that they are, for the most part, physically and emotionally attracted to people of the same/opposite gender as themselves. Others might choose to identify as "bisexual" because they can and do feel physically and emotionally attracted to both men and women. Lots of people don't think that these labels describe themselves accurately, and might choose to identify as "queer," "pansexual" or "questioning," or not even use a label at all!

 

The cool thing about sexual orientation is that it's pretty fluid. You can go your whole life dating boys, and then come across a girl with the kind of personality that you find attractive and start dating her! For right now, you can just try to notice the people that you are attracted you, and try to think about what it is that about them that you like. It's more important to focus on the kind of person that you would like to date, rather than focus on their gender or appearance. And you seem to have a great handle on that already! 

 

You mentioned that you might be nervous about telling someone about how you are feeling, and so looking forward, if you ever decide to claim an LGBTQ identity, there are a lot of great resources that can help you come out to your family and friends. www.plannedparenthood.org/info-for-teens/lgbtq/coming-out-33833.htm is a good place to start.

 

But for now, have you thought about trying to connect with other questioning youth your age? Check out TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org! It's the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 and their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you're having about your sexuality. 

 

I wish you all the best!

 

Sincerely,

Trevor