Hey. Cool site. Very helpful. Okay, enough with the casual, fragment sentences. I'm a bisexual female in my native San Diegan habitat and in ninth grade. I’ve been out of the closet to my friends since last year and just came out to my mother last month. I’m horrified to come out to my father. Knowing him, his range of reactions could be from going back to what he was doing and simply saying, “Honey, you’re 14,” to throwing me out of his house.
But, that’s not my main problem. My main problem is just plain awkwardness of every day living. For example, I can’t go into the locker rooms in P.E. without feeling like I don’t belong there. It makes me feel like more of a pervert than I really am. I’ve wanted to be a male since I was little. I’ve never really gotten the whole female state of mind, and the female state of mind confuses me more than not. I just don’t know. I might even just be too young to really think stuff like this or admit it, but I’ve felt like this all my life and only now understand terms like transsexual. I just don’t really know what is what anymore. Should I come out to my dad, or should I wait? What should I do about how uncomfortable I feel about so many everyday events? Please help me!
Kuro the Almighty, 14,
San Diego CA
Dear Kuro T.A.,
Goodness, you sure have a lot going on! J As you might imagine, it’s kind of hard in this kind of format to provide a thorough, meaningful response to either of the two problems you’re dealing with—let alone both! So, before I even try, let me strongly encourage you to call our helpline, so you can take as much time as you need to process these issues directly with someone who can ask questions for clarification, as well as provide you with feedback and explore your options with you.
Problem #1. Don’t know if I have an answer for you, but I’ve got a lot of questions: You don’t say how your mother responded to your coming out (see, this is the kind of question a helpline listener could get more info about! J). Have you confided in her about how “horrified” you feel at the thought of coming out to your dad? What advice might she give you? Is there any reason you feel you “have to” come out to him now, if you’re so unsure of his reaction? If you think it’s really possible that he might respond by throwing you out of the house, it’s probably best that you wait. Otherwise, Kuro, it’s up to you: does the discomfort you feel keeping this secret from him outweigh the discomfort you might feel if he reacts badly?
Problem #2. First-off, let me slap your hand for referring to yourself as a “pervert.” Whether you’re bisexual or transgender—or a bisexual transgender—these aspects of your person do not make you perverted. Maybe you’re different in these aspects from most of your classmates, but, as the French say, “Vive le difference!” J Whether or not you eventually decide you are transgender, it sounds like you could really benefit from a mental health professional who could help you sort out and understand the very complicated feelings you’re experiencing. I’d recommend you contact the San Diego LGBT Community Center (www.thecentersd.org <http://www.thecentersd.org/> ) and ask them about counseling options for someone like yourself. They have a lot of resources for youth.
In the meantime, get on your “almighty” phone and give the Trevor Helpline a call!!!