I want to come out to my best friend, but I'm not sure that I'm really gay. All I know is that anybody I have ever suffered butterflies for, have been girls. I have not really given guys' a chance. I'm meta-thinking that maybe I need to tell myself that I'm gay in order to justify the hundreds of hours of moping, crying, and scouting out the Seattle skyline from 20-story buildings. If I'm really straight, why the hell did I spend my entire high school years bathing in my self-loathing homophobia? How do I figure out who I'am?
Signed,
label-less, 17, Seattle WA

 Dear label-less,

I’m so happy that you wrote to the Trevor Project! It takes a lot of courage and good faith to realize that one can need help. You are a brave and wonderful individual and I absolutely admire that!

It is very hard to find out who one truly loves, however, it is perfectly normal to question one’s sexuality. Let me help you figure your sexuality out because whatever it may be, is perfectly healthy and normal.

 Sexual Orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). Think about it this way, “Who do you have crushes on and who do you fantasize about being with?” Girls, Boys or Both?

Here are some resources below to help answer your question(s):

http://www.hrc.org/issues/coming-out

 

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177

 

http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf

 

http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=1301

 

http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=539

 

In regards to coming out to your best friend, make sure that when and if you come out to your best friend, that you feel safe and comfortable. Now since this is your best friend, I’m sure that you may have nothing to worry about because you two are so close and tight, and I believe that to me important and wonderful! There are many positives to coming out, for instance, it can let people in your life know about an important part of your life, it can help you to feel less alone, meet new friends as well as possibly meet people to date. To help you figure out whether or not to come out, take these questions into consideration of asking yourself these, “What does it feel like keeping this part of your life a secret?” “Does it cause you a lot of stress worrying about your best friend finding out?” These are just some questions to ask yourself. Nonetheless, whatever your decision is and whenever you decide to tell your best friend, always make sure that you feel safe and comfortable when you do tell your best friend.

 

"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want."

-Lao Tzu

 

Take care! Everything will be fine!

 

AskTrevor Author