This question is long overdue. I guess part of me has always known I was bi. God, it's still weird to say it! For the longest time I tried to rationalize away my feeling for girls. I tried to tell myself that I just craved a friendship or that my relationship with my mother drove me to need an intimate relationship with a woman. I tried to tell myself that I really didn't like girls, but I can't lie to myself anymore—I can’t deny who I am. And I am so scared right now. Everything is falling apart. I don’t know what to do now. Please help.
Anytime we go through an identity transformation—reconfiguring who we are, what we want, how we fit in the world—it can be a scary process. And this applies whether that change has to do with our career, relationship status, where we live, the color of our hair—or our sexual orientation! Just think how scary it must be for a caterpillar, transitioning into a cocoon, knowing she’ll no longer be a caterpillar, but not knowing what she is about to become.
Growth and change always involve loss, which can make us feel as if we can’t find our way for a time. But being truthful to yourself about your feelings—which is what you seem to be doing—is an important first step in finding your way again. I encourage you to continue this process with someone you trust, who will be able to reflect back to you the new sense that you have of who you are. You can certainly start that process by calling The Trevor Helpline at 866.4.U.TREVOR (866.488.7386).
I understand how confusing and unsettling everything must seem right now, but try and think of all this craziness as the process you have to go through in order to become a beautiful butterfly!