Dear Lamarr,

You’ve asked such an important question that a lot of other people wonder about and I'm so glad that you wrote to Dear Trevor for help. Whether you’re gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, telling someone that you like them can be really difficult and scary because you don't how they'll react-will they feel the same way about you that you feel about them, will they say they just want to be friends or will they even reject you altogether?

It would be helpful to think about what you’re going to say and how you are going to say it in advance in order for you to feel more comfortable. There’s actually a lot more to this than one might think at first. You might think about telling him in a place where you felt comfortable, where you wouldn't be interrupted and would have a chance to talk. Does he already know that you are gay and, if so, is he cool with it? What will you do if he’s not cool with it? If he doesn't know your gay, you might bring it up by telling him directly or if you're more comfortable, bringing it up gradually by first talking about a movie, book or TV show with a gay actor or gay character. That may help you talk about your sexual orientation and also find out if he's gay or not since you’re not sure. Think about how you’ll feel and react if you find out he’s not gay? Thinking about these questions will let you figure out in advance how you will react no matter how the situation plays out. Thinking of all the different ways it can go is important so that you’re not caught off guard. Remember that even if he is gay, he may not feel the same about you that you feel about him. You may end up with a really good new friend which is still worth a lot.

It can be helpful to talk about your question with someone you trust such as a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor. Something else that might help you is to talk with other lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) people about how they’ve told people that they liked them and if you have any friends who are LGBT, talking with them would be a great place to start. If your school has a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) you might attend some meetings. You can also call the National GLBT Youth Talkline at 1-800-246-7743 or visit www.trevorspace.org our own safe, social networking site for LGBTQ people ages 13 to 24, their friends and allies. In addition, it might help to go to an LGBT social or support group in your area where LGBT youth can meet up and talk about things like this. On The Trevor Project home page, click on "Suicide Resources" (there are many types of resources listed), then click on "Local Resources" then click on New Jersey where you will hopefully find LGBT resources near you.
You can always call the Trevor helpline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor. Our supportive, understanding counselors are here for you 24 hours, 7 days a week to talk more about your question and any other concerns you might have. If you call the Trevor Helpline, the counselors can also help you find LGBT resources near you. You’re doing a brave thing by considering telling this guy that you like him, and I’m proud of you for that! Please remember that we're always here for you at The Trevor Project.

Sincerely,
Trevor

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