I’m so confused! I used to be bi—or I still am—but because of the pain guys/men cause me, I feel I’m slowly but surely turning lesbian, even when I know girls can be the same. I’m beginning to become more attracted to girls than guys.
Signed,
Lesbian to be, 14, Jacksonville FL
It sounds like you really want to put yourself in a certain category, but it is perfectly fine for a young person to be what you call “confused.” Relationships with either guys or girls can indeed be painful, yet bad experiences with dating guys can not turn you into a lesbian; eating a lot of bad apples doesn’t make you suddenly like oranges, you know! If you are more attracted to girls at this time, is there any reason you can’t open yourself up to this experience and see how it goes? There’s no need at 14 to have decided what your sexual orientation is—in fact, there’s no need at 24 or 34 or even 44 to make this decision, if it isn’t yet clear to you! Give yourself a break and allow yourself not to “know for sure” right now.