Umm I kinda feel dumb for asking but I'm thinking of killing myself. Is it normal? Oh and I'm lesbian and my mom hates me and so does my dad. I just need an answer to what is wrong with me?
locked in my head, 14,
Dear Locked in My Head,
You should be incredibly proud of yourself for sending your letter and reaching out for help. You're not dumb at all in fact you're just the opposite, very smart for knowing to ask for help when you're feeling so bad that you're thinking of killing yourself. It must have taken a lot of courage, and it's great that you've reached out for support. Clearly you are in a lot of pain and feel hurt and rejected by your parents. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so low. It's very concerning that you are thinking of killing yourself. Please tell someone you trust such as a close friend, family member, school counselor or teacher immediately about your feelings so they can help make sure you are safe. Even if you are not ready to discuss being a lesbian or the situation with your parents, it's important to let people know you are feeling so bad so they get you the help you need. If there is no one you can talk with about this, please call the Trevor Helpline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386) immediately. Our counselors are here for you 24 hours, 7 days a week. Many people feel like killing themselves when they're feeling very sad and when they feel like there are no other choices or options. Talking with someone you feel comfortable with can help you to come up with some healthier, safer alternatives and deal with the difficult and hurtful feelings you're experiencing.
There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian, and you are not alone. Many young people realize they are attracted to members of the same sex, and struggle with the reactions of others as well as their own feelings. This is perfectly normal, and there is nothing wrong with you. What makes lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) feel that something is wrong with them are the narrow-minded, ignorant, homophobic views and reactions they hear from people around them. I'm sorry that you feel like your parents hate you. That must feel awful. It was very brave of you to come out to your parents, and I'm sorry that they responded in such a hurtful way. You do not deserve to be hated especially by your parents, the people who should love you no matter what.
As far as your parents’ feelings about you being a lesbian, it might help to remember that just as it may have taken you time to understand your sexual orientation, it will most likely take them time understand you being lesbian. In the meantime, you deserve their love and support even if you have different opinions about your sexual orientation. If your parents are open to learning more and if you feel comfortable, you can refer them to PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). It's an organization made up mostly of parents that helps people understand their loved one's sexual orientation. On their website at www.pflag.org click on "Support for Families & Friends" under the "get support" section where you’ll find a brochure entitled "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People." It sounds like it might be a touchy subject with your parents, but this brochure might help them better understand where you're coming from and help them be more supportive.
Do you have any close friends or family members, or even someone like a teacher or counselor, who you trust and can talk with about your feelings about being a lesbian and the situation at home? It can be a huge relief to share yourself your thoughts and feelings with someone else. You might think about calling the National Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender helpline at 1-800-246-7743 where you can speak with other LGBT teens get support and learn how they’re dealing with parents who may not be supportive and accepting of their sexual orientation. You can also always call the Trevor helpline anytime for support and to talk about everything you’re feeling and going through. Remember that we are always here for you at The Trevor Project.