I would really like to know how and when to come out to my parents. I really want them to take part of my life. Sometimes I just want to explote and tell them who I am. I thought that my dad could handle better me being gay because he has a brother who is gay but my dad feels guilty because my uncle has HIV. My father was raced in a small village with a stronge stereotype of what men should be and do. We now leave in that small village, here being gay is concidered a sin. I really don´t care what people talk about me but I´m really concered with what could happend to me if somebody finds out. My mother is such a lovelly person I really love her so much and my bigggest fear is to dissapoint her because she really wants my sister and I to have a fammily. She wants to see me getting married with a woman and having babies and all that stuff and the same thing with my sister. My mother has allways been there for us and sometimes I think the only thing she wants in exchange are grandchildren. When we were younger my sister told here she would never get married nor have kids and my mother got really mad. I want my mother to be happy but i don't want to lie anymore. The only person in my familly that knows almost all about me is my sister but we have just once talked about it, that time was the one when she told me my father felt really bad with my uncle having HIV. My parents are completelly clueless my mother is always saying I should respect my girlfriend when I get one and more stuff like that, when she starts telling those things I just try not to hear and stay calm. My grandparents died with out knowing my uncle was gay. I really don't want that. I think my biggest fear off them all is my mom , she is a really tough woman but when it's about my sister and I she gets really depresed. When my sister left home to go to college she really cryied a lot. I love my mother so much I just want to give her everything she wants. Thank you so much.
Signed,
Louis, 16, Mexico City MEX
Hi Louis, Coming out, the act of telling someone about your sexuality, is a process that all LGBT , gay, lesbian, bisexual and transender, people go thrugh at some time in their lives. YOu are wise to give it some thought. It is difficult to know how someone will react to the news. Your desire to behonest and open is admirable. Yet, one has to be careful when expressing their sexuality. AS you mentioned, some communities can be very conservative and judgemental. Your safety is a big consideration. In trying to figure out whether or not to come out, it can help to ask yourself some questions including: What does it feel like keeping this part of your life a secret? Does it cause you a lot of stress worrying about them finding out? Are you worried that if you told your family or your friends, you'd be unsafe physically or emotionally? If you told your parents, are you concerned that they might kick you out of the house? If you decided to tell them and they did kick you out, it would be important to have a safety plan, meaning a safe place where you could live and continue to go to school and a way to support yourself financially. Some people decide to wait until they are living away from home and are financially independent before telling members of their family about their sexual orientation/gender identity. If you feel now is the right time, that’s absolutely fine. What is most important is that you are comfortable and safe. You might find the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf helpful. In addition, on http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions you'll find an article called "Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About" which may be of help to you. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one's sexual orientation/gender identity. Below you can find their contact information. Louis, do you havea trusted adult, a teacher, a close rlative (maybe your uncle?) with whom you can confide? HAving someone to talk to will help you clarify your thoughts while getting some support. Louis, there is nothing sinful about your feelings for other men. YOur feelings are a normal, natural expression of humand sexuality. Western cultures, particularly those with deep root into Christianity, carry negatvie impressions about gay people. But, there are people that understand, accept and embrace people as they are. The challenge is finding these communities. I listed another resource of LGBT organizations in Latin America. Look for some organizations in your area. YOu are not alone. You are a thoughtful, caring young man. You will find a way to navigate these tricky seas. Do not hesitate to reach out for help. Familias Por La Diversidad Sexual Grupo Condesa padresporladiversidad@yahoo.com.mx http://www.familiasporladiversidad.org 52 11 8250 http://www-sul.stanford.edu/depts/hasrg/latinam/guidelgbt.pdf