Um, hi there! I'm gay and told my best friend a couple of years ago when in high school. She was totally cool with it. When high school finished and we were out celebrating, we ended up making out. It was the first time I had ever been with a girl and even though I didn't have feelings for her before, I fell in love with her. She didn't feel the same way and told me she was uncomfortable around me. But after a while things became okay again—I was still in love with her though. She got a boyfriend and that hurt so much so I ended up leaving our group.
I didn't see her for nearly a year, she'd message me, but I'd just ignore her and after a while she stopped. Then, out of the blue, I started to really miss her so I messaged her to see if she's still with her boyfriend. The next time I saw her I gave her a letter saying that I was confused and that we probably shouldn't see each other anymore. She wrote one back saying that I was still her best friend and she doesn't want me out of her life. So now we're best friends again.
The thing is, I'm just so completely in love with her still and I should have told her in the letter but couldn't. Should I tell her? I know she doesn't feel the same way and she's about to move in with her boyfriend, but I know if I continue to see her I'll just get more and more hurt. I have no idea what to do. She's my best friend and I don't want to lose her, but the thought of her with someone else kills me. I'm sorry this was so long but hey, it's a long story!
You and your friend have a special relationship and it sounds like you both realize how important this friendship is to each other. Despite everything that has happened—her being uncomfortable after the relationship became physical and you being hurt at her getting a boyfriend—the two of you have continued to reach out to each other and have been committed to keeping this friendship going.
When we love someone romantically and those feelings are not returned, it’s often heartbreaking and painful. In deciding whether or not to tell your friend that you love her, you might ask yourself what you hope telling her will get you: is it likely to make things easier for the two of you or harder? Remember that she's made it clear that she very much wants a friendship with you but not a romantic relationship. In addition, moving in with her boyfriend shows that her relationship with him is moving forward, and becoming more intimate. You might want to hold off, for the time-being, and see how things go. The intense feelings you describe do lessen with time. If, in the end, you feel that being around her is more painful for you than it is gratifying, you can always decide to back away until you feel more prepared to be around her (maybe once you find a girlfriend of your own!).
Of course you are always welcome to call The Trevor Helpline at 866.4.U.TREVOR (866.488.7386) to talk over this situation.