Trevor,

My friend (who is a lesbian) is currently in a relationship with another girl. But, I have been infatuated with her for quite a long time.

I am wondering if I should still tell her how I feel or just blow it off like it had never even devloped. I would like to get your opinion. Thank you.
Signed,
Mandie, 16, OH
Dear Mandie,

That’s a hard one! You know, sometimes telling others that we’re infatuated with them helps us release a lot of pent-up energy and obsession, and allows us to relax and be more ourselves around them. On the other hand, sometimes telling them can make them feel awkward and uncomfortable around us.

The question I have for you is what would you be hoping to achieve by telling your friend that you are infatuated with her? If you think that telling her will make it easier to be yourself around her, than maybe it would be a good thing to do.

On the other hand, if you think she’s happy in her current relationship, and that telling her about your feelings would make her uncomfortable around you, maybe you should keep this info to yourself. Try to focus your energies on finding someone else who is not already involved.

My guess, however, is that the real reason you might want to tell her is the fantasy that she will respond, “Mandie, I’m yours!” and immediately throw herself into your arms! J If this is the case, you might want to consider how likely this is to happen, and carefully weigh all the above pros and cons.

Trevor