Dear Trevor, I just cant take it anymore. Okay, so about 3 and a half months ago, my best friend, and bi sexual girfriend of 2 months, turned on me in the matter of a day and told my whole school i was a lesbian. I went through hell for the last month and a half of school. I was tormented, things were shouted at me in the halls, i was even banged into lockers. Some of the bullying even came from my own friends that also turned on me. So, going through this at school, i told my parents i was lesbian, hoping they could give some support and structure. They did the opposite. They said i was "labeled" now. For example, one week after i told them, (around may 9th) i had a huge trombone solo in my jazz band in front of all the parents of kids and some students. Later that night, after the concert, my dad said something i'll never forget "you have NO RIGHT to call yourself a performer. You were a joke on that stage tonight. Nobody saw you as an amazing trombonist, they saw you as a no good dyke!". Music is my everything. So that broke my heart. My dad was always my biggest supporter in music. So, now it being 2 months after i told them, we dont talk about it anymore. Its like i never told them in the first place. They are always mentioning prom (which is 3 years away!) and boys, and getting married. The worst part, is that we're moving to a new town, because my parents said that the students in my hometown high school are "under the impression", as stated by my parents, im a lesbian. My dad said i better not "screw up" my new school, or else he'd kill me. By screw up, he means coming out. So, am i supposed to live 4 years of high school dating boys and being so un-happy to please my parents? Im so scared, and i really need my parents more than ever right now, but i cant talk to them about it. They will get mad. Im feeling so suicidal. I just want to end it all. I dont know what to do anymore. Im depressed, dont want to eat, and the things that made me happy dont anymore. How can i handle this?
Hi Marissa, Bullying has gotten out of control. YOu have endured a huge betrayal by your friends. Unfortunately, your parents did not provide the support you needed. Your father has yielded extremely hurtful words. IF he cannot acknowledge you as the musician you are, that is his shortcoming. Marrisa, there is nothing wrong with you. THere is nothing wrong with your attractions for other girls. Marissa, you are a lesbian AND a trombonist. There is absolutely nothing worg with you. Unfortunately, many people attack what they do not undersatnd. This may be little consolation. But, those very bullies that are harrassing you about your sexuality are actually going through a process of questioning and understanding their own sexuality. Your father is putting undue pressure on you. Explaining the move to the new town because of the school "outing" is completely unfair. Marissa, your parents may need time to understand. But, in the meantime, it is extremely important that you find supportive communites. Do you have a trusted adult, a close relative, a teacher, or a school counselor with whom you can confide? You are not in this alone. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one's sexual orientation/gender identity. On their website at www.pflag.org click on "Get Support" then click on "For Family & Friends" where you'll find the pamphlets "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People" and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members/friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one's sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they're having with people in their life. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your family members/friends won't attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you. Other resources you might share with them are the books “Now That You Know-A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children” which addresses many issues and questions that arise for parents of gay and lesbian children and “Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together.” There are no guarantees but they may help.http://www.pflaghartford.org/connecticut.html MArissa, you are dealing with a tremendous amount of stress. You were outted at school. Your friends turned on you. Your parents are having a HARD time understanding. WHen people experience severe stress they often get depressed and sometimes consider ending their lives. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. On www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm you can learn more about depression and its treatment. On http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/ you can search for mental health services in your area. You could also contact the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists by calling 215-222-2800 or by visiting their website at www.aglp.org for help in finding someone in your area for you to talk and work with. Marissa, if you ever feel you may act on those suicidal thoughts, call 911 or get to an emergency room. Know you can call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week. We are here when you need us. When those overwhelmng thoughts merge, talking to someone will help reduce the anxiety. THere are communities of people that understand you. THese people will help you through this rough time. You just need to pick up the phone. The summer will provide a break from school. You can use this time to contact PFLAG to get some support. ALSo, Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions about comin gout to your family and dealing with bullies. TAke things one step at a time. RIght now, focus on building connections with people that understand and support you.