Hi Matt,

There are so many emotions that a person goes through when sifting through and identifying their sexual orientation.  It can be a long process for some and rather overwhelming.  Factors including friends, family, school, church, politics - you name it, can all add to the pressure.  Let me say this - there is no shame in being yourself.  This world only gets one of you.  There are no back-ups.  You are just at the beginning of your life - the life that you get to shape as an adult.  You have more control now at this age than ever before.  I have to imagine that there are a number of reasons that led you to feel as low and as hopeless as you do.  My hope is that you can begin, with this post, to find even more reasons to find hope and peace with yourself.

First, I want to start by saying that if you feel that there is no other way but to take your own life, please first call the Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.  Talk to them and hear what they have to say, that's all I am asking.  There is no time limit to your conversation and everything remains confidential.  Before you act, talk first.

I think it would be best to look at what is causing this shame.  Is it your family, friends, a religious organization?  I would suggest removing yourself from unsupportive people and venues, but I recognize that may not be practical or something that you really want to do.  In that case, I would suggest restructuring how any outside influence makes you feel.  Recognize that only you define you, no one else.  One of the ways you might do this is by finding others or reading the stories of others that you identify with.  The Human Rights Campaign (www.hrc.org) has a seemingly endless list of resources that range from coming out to the interaction of religion and sexual orientation.  www.hrc.org/issues/pages/bisexual is a section of the site that is devoted specifically to discovering one's bisexuality.  The Center on Halsted is an organization in your area that offers a number of support groups.  You can go and talk to others who feel or have felt the same way you did and discuss how they got through it.  Ask Trevor is also a great way to remind yourself that, although it may feel like it right now, you are not alone.

Is there any one person in your life that you completely trust?  If so, I would confide in him or her.  You would be amazed how helpful it is to just say everything out loud to another person and have them hear it.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You can get through this with the right support and by knowing that you are one-of-a-kind with the world at your feet.  Please reach out to those you trust, or a support group, or continue to check-in on Ask Trevor.

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