I have been in such a tough place to where I always feel like I want to hurt myself and I've actually almost attempted suicide. My boyfriend has caused most of this but I can't let him go because I love him so much. What should I do to make me become happy or help him change for the better? My psychologist even wanted to put me into a partial program because I am just depressed about everything and everyone degrades me and makes me feel like they don't care by not listening. I need help or else some serious consequences are going to happen in my life. But I bet nobody will care because they're all horrible people to me!!
Signed,
Michelle, 17, Rochester NY

 Hi Michelle, please don't say that no one cares about you because we do! And I am sure that you have many people in your life that care a lot about you. I am so glad that you care so much about yourself that you are seeing a therapist and writing to AskTrevor. We are all here to help you and hope things get better in your life.

 

Now you said that you love your boyfriend very much but he is the one making you feel sad and hurt. Do you think if someone loved you they would degrade you? A boyfriend should'nt make you feel depressed. You should feel loved by him and you should grow as a person while being around him. Sometimes people stay in an unhealthy relationship just because they are used to being with that person for so long, and they don't realize how emotionally abusive that person is being with them, so it is hard for them to let them go. But if your boyfriend doesn't treat you the way you should be treated, then he is not the right one for you. The only way you can be happy is if you let negative people in your life go. I know you want him to change but nobody can change unless THEY want to change, I promise you. It sounds like tough advice, and I know you would rather hear a list of things you can do to him so he changes, but that will not work. The best thing you can do is work on yourself. Do stuff that make you happy that doesn't involve your boyfriend. Find a hobby that you enjoy, or read a new book, or go out to places you like. Make sure you spend some time with your friends, the one's that don't degrade you.

 

I'm going to send you a link to a site where it lists signs of an unhealthy relationship. If you have most of those in your relationship, well then you will understand that your boyfriend is not healthy for you. At the end of the day it is up to you to decide what to do, that is to stay with him or break up with him. But here is the link http://www.prelationshipinfo.com/relationships/12-warning-signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship/

 

You also mentioned that you always feel like you want to hurt yourself and even attempted suicide. I understand why you would want to hurt yourself, it is a way of dealing with your painful emotions. Hurting yourself might feel okay in the short term, but it is very dangerous in the long turm because it can leave permanent scars and infections. It can also always remind you of the tough times you are experiencing. You wouldn't want to always be reminded of these times would you? It is better to get your anger or sadness out in other ways such as screaming in a pillow or listening to songs you enjoy. Try to think of happy thoughts such as a place you love to go. The happier your thoughts are, the happier you will feel. Even smiling tricks your brain into thinking you are happy :) see didn't that smiley face make you smile too! If you need additional help, try going on the sites www.safe-alternatives.com and www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

 

Please know that we are always here to help you. If you would like to talk to one of us on the phone you can call us anytime at 866-4-U-TREVOR. If you would rather chat with us you can try TrevorChat. If you would like to connect with other people that are going through your similiar situation, try www.trevorspace.org. There are many people that love you and care about you so please don't ever feel like you are alone because you are not!