Dear Nicola,

I can understand how confusing it might be to look at one's sexual identity, and it's okay to be confused.  Many people believe that sexuality is fluid and can encompass a spectrum of different expressions, not just two categories of gay and straight.  It's important to remember that sexuality involves physical attraction, desire, crushes, feelings, fantasies, actions, behaviors, relationships, and self-labels.  Most people go through an exploratory period of their sexuality, and it's okay to one day say that you're lesbian and the next day say that you're bisexual, or something else altogether.  Bisexuality means being sexually attracted to both sexes, not necessarily equally or at the same time.  It is often misunderstood as being curious or transitioning between straight and gay, or even being interested in multiple sexual partners.  Just like the two polar labels of straight and gay, bisexuality is not a choice either.  Sexuality is an ingrained part of who we are.  Even though it’s not a choice, whether you identify as straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, or somewhere in between, you ultimately make the decision to sexually identify yourself and to define it for yourself as well.  You may find that what you’re feeling today is not what you’ll be feeling in a year or five years from now, and that’s okay.  That’s just a part of sexuality.  What's important is to be with someone who makes you happy, regardless of their sex and regardless of labels.  And it's okay not to be interested in sex, if that's how you feel in the moment.  There may be other people out there who feel the same way as you.  You may want to check out the Bisexual Resource Center (http://www.biresource.net/) under the “Youth” section for more information.  There’s also a publication on bisexuality from the Advocates for Youth called “I Think I Might Be Bisexual, Now What Do I Do” at http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/publications-a-z/724?task=view.  On http://www.bisexual.org/, you may find some other helpful information on bisexuality.  You may also find comfort in talking to other peers about this, as many of them share your same questions.  Trevorspace (http://www.trevorspace.org/) is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24, their friends, and allies.  It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions about sexual identity. 

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