Dear Nicolas,

Thank you for taking the time to write to us at The Trevor Project.  I would like to start off by saying, my friend, that you are a good, normal and valuable person.  Your friends at the Trevor Project and especially I would sincerely appreciate your taking the time to reconsider any self-hurt or destruction and realize that although it really seems hard right now, things will only improve with time and patience.  I understand that the cruel things that people say can cause you to feel on the edge and fear for your safety and angry and confused.  This is especially hard when you feel the cruel, unkind words coming from people you are close to and who you feel should be protecting you from the harshness instead of contributing to it. Because you feel isolated where you are, meaning not knowing anyone who is gay, finding a safe, kind place can appear to be rather difficult and far away.  It also sounds like you're in a place where it is difficult being yourself and expressing yourself.  I am truly sorry to hear about these things that are eating away at you, making you feel down and helpless.  Having said all that, Nicolas, I would like to address a few things and ask you to consider them.  You are at an age when your body and mind are going through alot of changes.  This not only applies to you, but to your school-mates and anyone who is around your age.  These changes include very often emotional eruptions and sensations that will seem overwhelming.  These heavy emotional feelings are part of the reason that you may feel very sensitive to what people say or what you hear people say.  This does not lessen the feelings, I know; but because your mind and body are more vulnerable to the process of maturing and experiencing puberty, the feelings you have are quite often magnified.  I wanted to talk about that, because once these changes you're experiencing settle down a bit then quite a bit of the heavy emotional feelings that go along with that will also calm down a bit.  Your school mates are also going through these physical and mental changes and it's really tough for anyone to deal with.  Unfortunately, for many, with these changes comes other emotional extremes, such as anger and feelings of aggression.  When people feel overly aggressive, then anyone in their way can get clobbered and wrecked.  Because gay people have very often been the butt of bullying, it is more likely that we will get the focus of those unwanted, mean treatment. Soon enough, even for those bullying people, the focus will change as people become more civilized with their feelings.  Have you ever heard of the It Gets Better Project?  I recommend for you to also check out these stories about people who have suffered the emotional thorns like yourself:  http://http://www.itgetsbetter.org/. What I can tell you is that things do get better and is not forever.  Self destruction is not the answer to any of this; and I'd like for you to know that out in the big world, including Australia!, there are places and people who love and accept people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual and also transgendered.  By the way, do you think that your parents and brothers know that you're gay and yet continue to say cruel things about people like us?  In many cases, Nicolas, parents and siblings grow up with a gay person in the family and either don't see it or don't admit to it.  If this is the case with your family, they may say mean things about gay people and use bad words, but are not necessarily directed at the person they love.  With all the mean things we hear people say, we can easily take it personally, even when someone isn't speaking to us directly.  We mustn't overwhelm ourselves with what we think that people are saying or doing.  Reality, such as what you describe, is that people can actually direct their barbs to us and that does hurt. A web-site that you may find helpful is all about families learning to live with and love their gay child or friend.  It's called PFLAG, or Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays:  http://pflag.org. 

I hope that you'll be a trooper about it, Nicolas.  It does seem like a desperate time, but you are welcome to talk to us here at The Trevor Project, and I especially recommend signing up for Trevor Space, which is a social network of people who are like you and have had many of the same experiences as you.  Go to the Trevor Project web site and you'll see a link for the Trevor Space.  There are some local resources in your area:  http://www.opendoors.net.au/?page_id=257 and http://www.twenty10.org.au/.

You are always welcome to send us your questions, Nicolas, and know that you are loved and supported. 

Your Friends at The Trevor Project
 

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