Dear Trevor, It's been about 4 four months since I started to question my sexuality. I chalked it up to being bisexual and let it roll from there. But as the months went on, I noticed that my sexual attraction for guys was dropping and was letting my gaze fall to women. I haven't come out yet, as I haven't found the right person to come out to, but I was starting to feel right in my bisexuality. Though, now I'm feeling more like a lesbian. I don't know what to do and keep telling myself that I can't be a lesbian because of how my people will react. I just feel like being labeled as bisexual would ease the pressure after coming out but I feel as if I'm denying myself and others the truth of who I am. I want the easy way out and I really just need some advice. Bisexual or Lesbian? One sounds easier while the other seems to come with a lot more baggage. So really, how can I stop lying to myself about who I am and just get the courage to finally let go. Thank you.
Signed,
Niki, 16, Santa Cruz CA

 Dear Niki,

 

It takes courage and demonstrates your own courage just to have begun thinking about ways to come out, and you should be proud of that.  But you are right, it also takes time to build up the courage to be the person you want to be. 

 

Whether or not to identify as bisexual vs. lesbian or gay is a common issue that those in the LGBT community face.  You may have heard that some people have feelings only for the person of the same sex, but choose to come out as bisexual at first as a way to test the waters with friends or family.  Sometimes adults, especially women adults, decide after many years of being bisexual that they want to identify as lesbian, or after many years of identifying as lesbian, they want to identify as bisexual.  You don't necessarily have to pick a permanent label for yourself after only 4 months of questioning.

 

Remember, if you want to come out now, it's ok to change your label later from either lesbian to bisexual or bisexual to lesbian.  You might want to consider identifying a person to come out to who doesn't care which label you use.  Have you had conversations with a close friend or family member to guage how they feel about LGBTQ people?  Try to find someone who respects all people regardless of which label they use, if you can.  You might want to consider an online resource that offers suggestions about how to come out offered by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) http://www.hrc.org/issues/coming-out

 

Also, if you are questioning whether or not you are bisexual, you might want to read this guide from the Parents Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)  Click here for that guide:  http://goo.gl/MgyGw

 

Another resource that should consider is talking with other young people on our social networking site, trevorspace.org

 

And, as always, if you ever want to talk with us further, you can call the Trevor Hotline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, even just to ask a simple question or for advice.

 

Good luck Niki!

Yours,

Trevor