I've been going through a hard time and my girlfriend is making it harder on me.. I wish she'd be less.. protective and kinda relaxed.. How do I tell her?
Signed,
Oli Kirkland, 13, neverland NC

 Oli:

I am glad you felt comfortable writing to us here at AskTrevor. Relationship issues, regardless of who they are with, are difficult to navigate through sometimes. I am really sorry to hear you are feeling a bit constrained and unsupported in your current relationship. It's important that no matter who you are with they treat you with respect, love, and support. Everyone goes through good times and difficult times, and it's very important that you feel supported by those you love, and who love you back. I am not sure what the difficult time is that you're going through but no matter what, you deserve love, respect, and compassion.

 

I would suggest talking to your girlfriend, or communicating with her in any way you're comfortable. Sometimes it helps to write out what's bothering you - that way it can make talking about it a bit easier, or it can be good to give a letter to whoever it is that you want to talk to. It also can give the other person time to process what you've written and then they are able to respond to you either in writing, or when you see them next. This gives you both the space you need to get out what is difficult for you in the relationship and then talk when you're ready to and not when emotions are high. 

 

You may find it helpful to join a social networking site like TrevorSpace where you're able to connect with other LGBTQ youth. You are able to have conversations with other youth who may be going through, or have gone through similar situations before and you may be able to talk about what you're dealing with. Building your network of support, of people you feel comfortable talking to, is very important in finding ways to navigate through difficult times. If your school has a gay, lesbian, straight education network (GLSEN) joining this may give you some extra support. Visit www.glsen.org for information about local chapters.

 

Again, no matter what you deserve to be treated with complete respect. Learning how to set relationship boundaries and limits can be difficult but communication is key. You need to love yourself, and respect what you need, and hopefully your girlfriend will do the same. If you are ever in need of someone to talk to don't hesitate to call 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (24/7/365), or visit us at www.trevorspace.com. Trevor Chat is also available on our website if you feel more comfortable chatting. We are here for you however you need us!

Thanks,

The Trevor Project