I’m 17 years of age and have already been through so much: deaths, rape, molestation, bullied, tormented, beat up, emotionally brought down, neglected, and left lonely. I feel completely destroyed. I only have a few select friends and they keep hurting me over and over. No one truly cares. They see me as a ghost, or when I frown they get mad and say hanging out with me is like a funeral. I feel…like an empty shell. My questions are: How could I still be breathing? How can I be so strong and weak at the same time? Why do I feel so empty?
Clinton township MI
Many people your age describe suffering with the feelings you write about: empty, lonely, scared, depressed. You ask really important questions and all together, I think that they are asking an essential one: how can I feel better and get help from depression and loneliness I feel?
The first thing to do would be to find a friend to speak with whom you can feel free to express whatever you’re feeling; someone around whom you don’t have to pretend just to please them. Obviously, you can always call our helpline at 1.866.4.U.TREVOR (1.866.488.7386) if you are feeling desperate or just need to connect with someone who knows how to help you stay safe.
The second thing to do would be to find professional help in your area, someone with whom you can talk safely and confidentially. At 17 you don’t need an adult’s permission to speak to a counselor, and also, what you say is by law confidential. It sounds like you have to keep most of your hurt to yourself these days and that can make what anyone is going through much worse.
A good resource for you in your area is Affirmations Lesbian & Gay Community Center (www.goaffirmations.org). They have youth services and may be able to help direct you to the support you need.