Dear Trevor ,
It's me Ram again ! You are my only friend right now to talk to ; I don't really know how to start ; this day has been a verry long day verry painful for me.
There's a guy that I love he's bisexuel I asked him out ; when people saw me with him they start telling bad things about him so he starts take distance from me and now he's saying that I was dragging him into this relation-ship.
I can't give up on him I love him ; now everyone is telling me he's going to be married next month to make me cry all the time ; and they make fun of me that hurts.
No one is here for me I'm alone just please I want you to help me I love I can't live without him it's hurtful to even think that he left me he likes me too but scared that people find out our relation.
This is really hard my friends are not here for me but they're trying to bring me down with their hurtful words and my parents refuse to listen to me to my problems....... Please help ! Wanna kill myself and it will be soon .
Being gay in a highly conservative religious environment is extremely difficult. WHile I understand a sense of your frustration, I can only imagine the oppression. Your situation is compounded by the lack of available support. We are glad you are able to trust us with your situation. Everyone at the Trevor Project cares about you and your well being. We wish we could work some magic and find a place in which you could be yourself without discrimination or ridicule. YOU might think about developing a plan in which you can move to a place that is friendlier toward LGBT people. Are you planning to attend University? CAn you seek out programs that would allow you to study abroad? Look for programs in LGBT freindly countries. LIving in Algeria is difficult for any LGBT person. In the meantime, we can assist you to look at your situation. When it comes to matters of the heart, having a sense of balance can help diffuse the pressure. You have very strong feelings for this young man. Those are wonderful, powerful emotional expressions. I would imagine some of the heartache comes from having feelings that are not reciprocated, returned, by the young man in question. Both people have to be invested n a relationship to make it work. It does not sound like this young man is as strongly invested. Perhaps, he is not as solid in his sexuality as you are. Again, it is difficult to be gay or bisexual in your environment. He may not have the strength that you have. You cannot force him to enter into a relationship. If he is not willing to meet you half way, you would be better served to let him live by his choices and decisions. His decison is not about you. It is about his comfort, his ability to enter into a relationship with another man. Ram, I know it is painful. I understand that heartache. I have had a similar situation. You cannot make someone love you. Love develops. Love must be nourished by both people in a relationship. Also, I would like to give you something to think about. Love usually develops over time. Sometimes, we can confuse love with infatuation. Infatuation is that state of excitement and attraction that often leads one into developing fantasies about the object of our affection. While those feelings are wonderful, allowing ourselves to balance these "heart-centered" sensations with some "head-centered" logic promotes our emotional and psychological well being. Could you be infatuated with this young man? That is OK. There is nothing wrong with infatuation. But, one must recognize it. And, ultimately, infatuation will fade. If love does not develop out of mutual infatuation, a relationship will not grow. Love develops when both parties are willing and capable of building a relationship. Both parties must invest in the well being of the relationship, the well being of the other person, as well as one's own well being. Can you see the possiblity of carrying some love for this young man as you respect the decisions and choices he has made? It hurts. I know. But, if you can see the glimmer of that possibility, over time you will begin to find ways of accepting that heartache and moving on with your life. It is not easy. Plus, you do not have anyone physically there to support you through this tough time. Having your freinds and family laugh at your pain is not helping at all. Below you will find a link to some resources. There are three listings for organizations that center on LGBT Muslims in Algeria. Again, caution is needed. Be careful when contacting these organizations. Keep your safety and privacy in mind. Ram, you and your life are bigger than this pain. If you think you may act on suicidal thoughts, call emergency services or get to an emergency room. Your immediate safety is crucial in those dark moments. Continue to reach out for support. We care.