I have been wondering if there is a way to know if you are gay or bi? Is there like a certain way to know?
Signed,
Rich, 16, CT
Dear Rich,

Well, there’s no blood test, if that’s what you’re asking! J

Seriously, though, many mental health professionals will tell you that sexual identity has a lot more to do with what is between your ears (i.e., your brain), than what is between your legs. In other words, how you—as individual—think about your sexuality (what it means to you, how you feel about it), is more important than what you do sexually or how you label yourself—or how others may label you.

It may be more helpful to think of your identity (which includes your sexual identity) as something that you are always in the process of developing, based on your life experiences, on what feels right to you, on what makes sense to you over time. So, to get back to your question, I suppose that, if, over time, you discover that you are attracted primarily to other boys, it’s reasonable to assume that you might decide you are gay.

But, as we’ve said many times before, there’s no rush—or requirement—to make this decision. It might be helpful to just give yourself the permission not to know for now. My guess is that, eventually, it will become apparent what makes the most sense for you.

Trevor