My problem is that I am infatuated with a girl at my work, "Cate," who is in the closet. She can't be with me, but every day I become more obsessed with her.

I can't stop thinking about Cate, and I get angry and anxious if I am not near her. All day long I imagine what it would be like if we were together. This is making me feel crazy.

I have had obsessive unrequited crushes in the past, and they always distract me from doing my best at school and work. Its like the thoughts don't stop.

I dream about Cate and at work I stare at her all day. Other people think I'm weird. I'm beginning to feel that I will never be happy unless we can be together. How do I get this girl out of my head?
Signed,
Sad Girl, 21, CA
Dear “Sad Girl,”

We all have occasional “obsessive” infatuations, but you seem to be making a career out of them! :)

If you really want to get over this girl, then you need to make a real effort to refocus your thoughts, energies and activities into other things—things that feed you, inspire you, make you feel better about yourself rather than worse.

I encourage you to explore speaking with a counselor to look at what sounds like a self-destructive pattern for you. As I said, we all go through this from time to time, but if you’re doing it regularly, it might indicate that, at bottom, you don’t feel you deserve anything better—like someone who actually returns your feelings, for example. :) My guess is that once you truly feel good about yourself, you won’t waste your time pining after someone you know you’re never going to get.

Trevor