Hi, I'll just get straight to the point shall I? I'm completely gay, and always have been. It isn't a problem either. Everyone at school and home knows and loves me all the same, and I've never received any open hatred due to my sexual orientation. However, I've starting liking a guy, and that's kind of a scary thing for me. No one knows, and I don't feel like I can tell my friends because I'm the "lesbian friend" you know? Usually I wouldn't mind because I'm always proud of that fact, and I know his is something I need to figure out on my own, but if you've got any advice then that'd be lovely because this is really bothering me and it isn't okay. Thanks.
Signed,
Savvy, 15, Decatur GA

Hey Savvy,

 

Thank you for the great letter. I can understand how developing feelings for a guy can be scary after you have been out and proud as a Lesbian.

 

Always remember, you are Savvy. You are a human being, first. Your sexuality is a part of you. It does not completely define you. It is an element of your complete persona.

 

Our culture holds a lot of misinformation regarding sexuality. Primarily, our culture deems heterosexuality as the "normal" expression. But, this is not a complete idea. Heterosexuality is as normal for straight people as homosexuality is for gay people and bisexuality is normal for bisexual individuals. Humans express their sexuality through a vareity of forms. Human sexuality is not as "black and white" as it is portrayed through general cultural understanding.

 

You identify as a Lesbian. That is fine. You alone determine your sexuality in a way that makes sense for you. And, it is perfectly fine that you have developed feelings for a guy. These are honest feelngs of attraction. Sexual identity often indicates an overall sense of attraction for one gender or both. It may be helpful to think of sexuality as a range of colors. On one end you have 100% attracted to males, say black. Then on the other end, you have 100% attracted to females, say white. In between, you have a multitude of shades of gray (not to mention vibrant colors). Most of us fall somewhere in between those two end points.

 

Many people also believe that sexuality is not a stagnant expression. That is, your sexuality can fluctuate through your lifetime. There are also people who shun labels altogether. They "love who they love". They follow their feelings. Gender does not determine their attractions. The person who evokes these feelngs does. Recent studies indicate that women have a wider capacity to attractions for both genders. There are many possibilities.

 

Savvy, you are at the beginning of your sexual discovery. And, you have come to some solid understandings about your sexuality. But, as you continue dating and having sexual experiences, you will continue to learn about your sexual expression and how sex fits into your life. Most importantly, you are honest with yourself. You are aware of your feelings. That self-awareness will serve you well.

 

Savvy, if you ever need someone to listen, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week. Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality. Also, if you have a trusted adult, a close relative, a teacher or a school counselor, talking can help you clarify your thoughts while supplying some support.