I am bi and I know I am. I have known for almost all of my life; since I was in the 3rd grade and realized I was attracted to both males and females. Recently I fell in love with a girl and I had to come out to my family and now they won’t allow me to see her or talk to her. I have become very depressed and have been having suicidal thoughts again. My mother is a heavy believer in the Christian faith and she said that God HATES what I am and what I am doing. I have no one to talk to and I feel like there is no reason for me to live anymore except for my girlfriend, but I can only see her at school. Now, with school ending, I don’t know what I am going to do. Please help me.
Being able to recognize and accept yourself at such a young age shows that you have an exceptionally strong sense of self. For many people, that acceptance doesn't come until much later in their life, if at all. Falling in love and having that love reciprocated should be one of the most beautiful things in our lives. Unfortunately, ignorance, bigotry and intolerance can take these incredible achievements, make them seem dreadful, and put you in a place of terrible pain. Regrettably, your mother (as with other people with deep-seated homophobic feelings) has allowed her intense bias to color her interpretation of religion and God and to blind her to the tremendous pain that she is causing you.
If you haven't already done so, it might be helpful to discuss these difficulties with your girlfriend and to discuss possible ways to remain in touch after school ends.
It is very concerning that your depression is as severe as it is and that you are having suicidal thoughts. Is your mother aware that you are feeling this way? Maybe she would allow you to see a counselor (a non-religion-based one) if she knew about your depression? Could you speak with a school counselor or sympathetic teacher about what you are going through? Of course, you can always call our helpline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386). You will be able to speak with someone who can help you to feel less alone and can sensitively discuss these very important issues. They may also be able to refer you to local mental health or gay resources in your area so that you can further address your depression and suicidal thoughts. You don't have to go through this alone.