I've been bi since the 8th grade but I can't find the courage to come out. I hate the fact that I have no one to talk to about how I feel. I want more than anything to tell my best friend that I am in love with her, but she’s on the verge of entering a relationship with a boy. How can I possibly tell her now? Should I wait and see how things turn out between them, tell her anyway or just not tell her at all?
Signed,
Serena, 16, MPK CA

For many of us—gay and straight—one of the bravest things we can do is to make ourselves emotionally vulnerable and tell someone about our feelings for that person. It is especially difficult when you have no idea what their response will be. When disclosing these feelings also means coming out to that person the emotional risk involved can seem overwhelming.

No one can tell you what the right thing to do is in your particular situation, but you can ask yourself a number of questions before you make your own decision. Is your best friend an accepting and nonjudgmental person in general? What, if anything, do you know about her feelings about gay and bisexual people already? Are you willing to risk her not wanting to be your friend, if she doesn’t take the news well? What is the likelihood that she will tell others you might not want to know about your sexual orientation—will it be safe for you if word gets out about your being bi? How will it be for you if she is o.k. with your being bi, but does not reciprocate your feelings? Would it make more sense for you to disclose this information in stages: first tell her you’re bi and see how she reacts to that news; if she handles it well, perhaps you’ll feel more comfortable telling her about your feelings for her.

Regardless of what you decide to do, Serena, and regardless of how your friend reacts, please remember that there is nothing wrong with being bi or having feelings for someone who may not feel the same way. What’s important is to know who you are and to be true to yourself.

 

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